Albert Einstein the Grocery Bagger.......

Dear Einstein the Grocery Bagger:

For several weeks, I have begged and pleaded with you (and your co-workers) not to pack my grocery bags so heavy that I can't lift them. I realize that the recyclable bags will hold a lot more than the plastic ones, but that doesn't mean that I have any more arm strength.

It is incomprehensible to me why you pack the bags so heavy and then hand me back two - or three - EMPTY bags.

Last week I asked you (perhaps it wasn't you, but it might have been) not to make the bags too heavy. "I have plenty of bags," I said, "so don't make them too heavy."

When I got home, there was at least one bag that almost gave me a hernia when I tried to lift it out of the back of the car.

Long before the expression "going postal" became a part of our vernacular, in our family we had the expression "to pitch a Carol." I have tried mightily NOT to have my mother's disposition, but if ever there were an occasion on which pitching a Carol was not only called for but almost required, it was this morning at the grocery store.

I brought recyclable bags. Lots of them. Enough for each of them to have a single item. Well, perhaps that's an exaggeration. But I had plenty of bags.

"Not too heavy, please," I implored as you got started. Both you and the cashier acknowledged the words and one of you said, "Okay."

Then you proceeded to pack just as many CANS into one bag as you could. The helpful cashier noticed that you STILL HAD SOME FREAKIN' ROOM IN ONE BAG, and she brought MORE CANS TO PUT IN THE TOP.

Meanwhile, two limp, empty, lonely, forlorn, EMPTY bags lay on the end of the bagging counter.

I have to tell you that Hubby is the most laid-back, easy-going soul (except when he's drinking, and he wasn't at 10:00 this morning) you would ever chance to meet. I looked at him in amazement while you continued to pack a grocery bag that Arnold Schwarz The Incredible Hulk (I could spell that) couldn't lift unassisted. He burst out laughing at your idiocy.

Hubby is not one to make a scene, either. When I reached around you for the empty bags, he said to you, "What part of 'not too heavy' don't you understand?" and I felt completed vindicated. If Hubby is willing to comment on it, it is definitely commentable. Not to be confused with commendable.

You looked a little perplexed when I took canned goods out of one of the full bags and commenced to THROW them into one of the empty bags. I'm sure you and the cashier shrugged your shoulders and wondered why some customers are so irritable.

You don't have to worry about me pitching a fit in your store again, though. I will go back to shopping at the store I was patronizing before your spiffy new store opened. You're not the only grocery store in town, you know. I think you give your chain a bad name. I don't want to embarrass anyone, but it starts with a "P" and ends with an "ublix."

Not too heavy indeed.

Moron.

Sincerely,

Bragger