Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The George Costanza Syndrome......

Disclaimer: This blog post is about sweating. If you are squeamish, you might want to skip it. You might want to skip it anyway. I'm just sayin'.....

Anyone remember the episode of Seinfeld where George was lamenting the fact [George is ALWAYS lamenting something] that he had just worked out and he had a meeting to attend with Mr. Steinbrenner that morning? Seinfeld told him to take a shower. George said that wouldn't help, because he continued to sweat AFTER his shower.

I have the George Costanza syndrome.

Especially at this time of year.

I work out on the elliptical almost every single morning WITHOUT FAIL (not that it has done a damn thing to help me lose weight, but whatever). I tell myself I will be on the elliptical no later than 6:10. That gives me a chance to drink a cup of coffee (or two), watch the local news, catch whatever Robin Meade is wearing on HLN, then change into my workout clothes.

At 6:10, I generally tell myself I have plenty of time and I can wait until 6:20. Then I get serious.

That means I finish my 30-minute workout around 6:55 and get in the shower at 7:00. I try to leave home no later than 7:30, and that's plenty of time for me to get ready.

(I haven't made the deadline in recent memory. The closer it gets to the end of the school year, the later I get.)

But it's not plenty of time for me to stop sweating. Even after I shower, I continue to sweat, particularly from my head. That's genetic -- my mother sweats from her head too. When she had her own business and the warehouse portion wasn't air conditioned, she would tilt her head toward me and say, "Feel how wet my head is!" (She meant her scalp.)

G - R - O - S - S !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why I even bother trying to put on make-up. Most of it slides right back off. My mascara is smudged even if I DON'T sneeze while I'm putting on my make-up, which is rare. It's hard to know where to put blush because my entire face is still beet-red from working out.

The obvious solution is to exercise earlier, but that means eating breakfast earlier, having my coffee earlier, getting up earlier.

Probably not going to happen. I already get up at 5:00 AM to leave the house by 7:30.

And don't bother telling me that Southern girls don't sweat, they "glisten."

This Southern girl sweats.

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