Crazy Dream #16......

Here's another crazy dream with vivid detail, so real to me that I woke up angry at Hubby.

I dreamed Katydid, Rozmo, and I were walking to my home from the town where UGA is located. Specifically, we were walking home from the high school where I used to teach, a distance of about 23 miles. We weren't at all dismayed by the distance we were walking, and we weren't tired at all. We were laughing and having a grand old time.

We were all laden with ... stuff. I don't know what we were carrying or why, but I was carrying my stuff in a white plastic kitchen-sized trash can.

Oh, and we had Gus with us. No collar or leash, but Gus was with us.

We had made it to about 6 or 7 miles from my house, and I realized that it was going to be a problem walking through town with Gus due to all the traffic. No matter that we had already walked almost 20 miles on the Atlanta Highway. I decided we needed to call Hubby to come get us. I was going to tell him to be sure and drive my SUV, since there were so many of us.

I didn't have my cell phone, because I had had to leave it somewhere to be ... repaired? ... charged? Anyway, I had to use Katydid's cell phone. And it was a good thing she had Hubby's number in her phone, because I had no idea what his number was.

I called him, and when I told him I needed him to come get us, he said, "You should have made better plans before you got all that crap. I'm laid up here on the couch sick."

I have no idea how he knew we had "crap" with us. I said, "Never mind, we'll make other arrangements," and I hung up on him.

I can picture the exact location where we were on the Atlanta Highway. There was an old abandoned business there named "Dunham's." There is no such business on that highway, abandoned or otherwise, and the only Dunham I know of is Jeff, the comedian.

Naturally Hubby called back, and I was (rightfully) hateful. I said, "To think of all the times I've hauled your drunk ass places when I didn't feel like it." (Don't tell Hubby, but I think I had him confused in my dream with my ex. He would be offended that I had confused him with that jerk.)

Then in the phone conversation Hubby started talking like Carl from Slingblade, and I told him that was getting pretty damn old. (If you've never seen the movie, or even if you have, please forgive us for finding the movie so hilarious. It isn't supposed to be a comedy.) At least I know where THAT part of the dream came from. Hubby and his golfing buddies have started talking like Carl ALL. THE. TIME. Katydid and I had the distinct privilege of listening to that for approximately eight hours last weekend, four on the way to Tuscaloosa and four on the way back. In my dream I had the nerve to tell him it was getting old. Not so much in real life.

I woke up SO ANGRY, and I never did find out if Hubby intended to come get us or not.

Crazy Dream #15......

Last night I dreamed about things school-related. I must be missing those reprobates darling students of mine. (Particularly the one who is a huge Georgia Tech fan - How 'Bout Them Dawgs!!!!)

In one part of my dream, I had a trouble-maker of a student whose name was Cheryl. (With apologies to my dear friend Cheryl from high school.) Only THIS Cheryl was about two and a half feet tall. So when I had to remove her from my classroom, I simply picked her up. She was cursing and screaming, and then she kicked at me and fell out of my arms. My students gasped and roared against me, thinking I had thrown her to the ground. If Cheryl had kept her mouth shut during standardized testing and not insisted on telling the rest of the students the answer to one of the questions, we might not have had such a confrontation in the first place.

In another part of my dream, but a continuation of the first part, we took our students on a field trip to a high school where I used to teach. One of the faculty members was showing me the pine board trey ceilings they had installed since I was there. What? I kept looking around for students who would still be there and remember me, and there were a few. I'm thinking they weren't on the honor roll, though, since I left that school in 2003. There was a man teaching chorus/drama at that school who had a huge mustache. I'm talking one of those handlebar mustaches, but it stuck out about three feet on either side of his head.

I didn't know taking pain reliever PM tablets right before bed would create such bizarre dreams. We'll see what tonight brings.

Crazy Dream #14.........

First some background for this particular crazy dream:

Our phone rang at 3:05 this morning. That's 3:05 AM. Middle of the night. It was my mother-in-law, as I knew it would be.

MIL: Bragger, what time is it?

(I thought to myself, if she has called me just to ask what time it is, we're going to have a serious come-to-Jesus meeting.)

Me: It's 3:05. (Heart pounding)

MIL: I hate to ask you to do this, but I've really got to pee.

Me: I'll be right there.

I wonder if our neighbors have wondered why we are walking up and down the road at all hours of the day and night, accompanied by Gus.

I was only gone about 15 minutes. I've gotten to be quite a pro at putting her on the portable potty chair, putting her back to bed, and emptying and rinsing the pot. I may turn out to be a decent nurse yet. Not.

Anyway, it took me FOREVER to go back to sleep, having been snatched awake so suddenly. At 3:30 AM I came up with the names of two former students we were trying to come up with yesterday at lunch. My co-workers will be eternally grateful that I didn't call them to let them know I had remembered.

When I finally went back to sleep, naturally I dreamed about school.

I dreamed that we were outside, and suddenly some buses drove up to take our students on a field trip to a college. I was confused because I didn't know anything about a field trip. I asked a co-worker, who said to me curtly as she continued walking away, "Yes, we discussed this last week." (You would have to know her to appreciate this fully.)

I didn't remember discussing ANYTHING, and there was mass confusion among students AND teachers about this alleged field trip. When I realized some students wouldn't be able to go on the field trip, I started RUNNING back to the school so I could be the teacher who stayed behind with them. One of our male co-workers (the father-to-be I referenced last night) realized the same thing, and he and I were sprinting at break-neck speed to see who could get back to the building first. He's 28 and a coach, and I was holding my own. I told you it was a crazy dream.

When I got back in the building, there were two parents fighting in the front office. (Oddly enough, this dream took place not in our new building, but in an entirely different school where I taught with Neena eight years ago.) The parents were fighting with each other. Hitting each other with their fists and kicking each other. (Sadly, in our county that isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility.)

Once the police were called and things calmed down in the front office, I was standing outside with some of our students, and they were smoking openly. (Sadly, at our school that isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility either.) One of my advisees is a girl who is way pregnant, due in two weeks. And she was smoking in my dream. I was FURIOUS with her, and I asked her, "Why are you trying to kill your baby?" I was so angry. Then the alarm went off, and I was really, really angry.

Crazy Dream #13......

I know all (four) of you probably think I'm ALREADY crazy, so before I tell you about my latest crazy dream, let me say that I realized something about my blog post after I was already in bed last night.

The title? "Tuesday Randomness......"

The day of the week? Wednesday.

I guess that's what retirement is going to be like, not knowing what day of the week it is. I should have known it was Wednesday. It was trash day, and I did NOT go to Zumba last night. I almost got out of bed to correct the blog entry, but I was afraid I would be tempted to turn the baseball game back on and I might not get my customary ten hours' sleep.

On to my crazy dream.....

I dreamed I was invited back to the little church where I used to play the piano/direct the choir/teach Sunday School/type and print the bulletin. They wanted me to sing at one of their services, and I had no preparation before arriving at church. I met the sweet lady who now plays the piano (only in reality it's a man who plays the piano there now), and luckily she had the music to a song with which I am familiar, "I'll Walk with God." We didn't get to practice it at all before it was time for me to sing. And I happen to know there is a part in that song toward the end that is CLEARLY too high for my voice.

The sheet music for the song in my dream had pages and pages and pages (it doesn't). I got to a point in the song and lost my place. I was sort of humming and hemming and hawing, all the time turning the pages over and over, shuffling them like a defense lawyer caught in an obvious lie, and the piano player smiled beatifically and kept playing, clearly sympathetic but not knowing what to do.

Eventually I found my place, and I NAILED the high part at the end. But that did not compensate for the fact that I had stumbled badly through most of the song.

I realize it was only a dream, but I know from whence it originated. It was payback for making fun of the Bama gymnast who forgot her floor routine in the middle of competition and just sort of wandered around the mat. I was wandering around too, only vocally.

Crazy Dream #12..........

Yeah, I know I just posted about a crazy dream a few days ago. My cray-cray seems to come in waves. But I promise this one is a short one. And does not involve foreign travel, so don't worry if your passport is not up-to-date.

I dreamed I went to the emergency room with a broken collarbone. Oddly enough, I don't remember being in any pain.

What I was worried about, though, was whether or not to tell the hospital personnel that my collarbone was broken because my OWN DAUGHTER had hit me with a baseball bat.

(She doesn't even own a baseball bat, to my knowledge.)

In the end, they didn't even ask.

Crazy Dream #11........

Night before last, I had one of those crazy dreams that make me wonder, "How in the world can my brain make that stuff UP?"

I dreamed I went to visit Sweet Girl in Florida. Only we took a little side trip, a weekend jaunt to ....... France. Because clearly a trans-Atlantic voyage is a good thing to do over a weekend.

We were riding this little tram thingie, and it pulled into a station along the border. The border of WHAT I'm not sure, but we had to wait there for a while. In the tram station (because it wasn't a TRAIN, it was a TRAM), there was a gift shop. And it had a swimming pool.

We went for a swim in the pool, and there was a chair floating in the pool. It was a chair sort of like this one:

But the cushion was one of those loose ones. When I jumped in the pool, the cushion flew out of the chair, into the window of the gift shop, where it proceeded to do a great deal of damage.

This was no ordinary souvenir shop. It had a lot of expensive, high-end knick-knacks, but its specialty was .....

That's right, crystal door knobs. A whole store full of them.

Don't laugh. Have you DONE a Google search for images of crystal door knobs lately? Go ahead.... I'll wait here.

Naturally I proceeded to fill up a basket with a lot of souvenirs (oddly enough, I wasn't wet from my little swim), but mostly a nice selection of crystal door knobs. But I couldn't get any of the hoity-toity cashiers to wait on me. They were all painfully thin, wore black slacks, and had major attitudes. But they spoke perfect English. Probably Southern English, but that detail escapes my memory.

I was about to go into a snit and put all the doorknobs and other knick-knacks back on the shelves, when FINALLY one of the snooty girls deigned to wait on me. She rang up all my purchases, but before she gave me the total, she said, "Now about the chair cushion.... What happened?"

I proceeded to tell her the story about the cushion flying through the window, and she nodded sympathetically, but she said, "Well, come on in the office and see if you can contact someone at your insurance agency."

I tried to explain to her that it was 8:00 PM on a Sunday night back in the States, and there was no way I could get anyone from the insurance company on the phone. It was too late to deny any responsibility for the flying swimming pool cushion, so I was at a loss as to what to do. Did anyone else catch on to the fact that if it was mid-afternoon in France, it was more likely 8:00 AM in the States? I'm backward even in my dreams.

And then I woke up. I don't know if they arrested me for the damage to the store (none of which was visible as I shopped for doorknobs), or more importantly, how much all the doorknobs cost.

You may now return to your lives filled with normalcy. None lurking here.

Crazy Dream #10......

I don't usually have crazy dreams on back-to-back nights. I wonder what tonight holds in store? It must be that weird, convoluted, shoot-em-up library book of Hubby's that is making me dream this weird stuff.

Last night I dreamed that, on a whim, I went online and ordered tickets to the ice skating events of the Winter Olympics because they were being held nearby. Because clearly the Deep South would be an excellent location for them to hold the Winter Olympics. And clearly it would be a simple matter of going online and printing out my own tickets, the way I do for baseball games. Because they would be so easy to come by and everything. Not like the tickets to the curling events, which would be horrendous. (Katydid, wonder where the ice skating reference came from? Hmmmmm........)

So here I had tickets to ice skating, and Hubby was coming by to pick me up. For some reason, we weren't living in the same place. I was living in a teensy weensy duplex (similar to the one I lived in before he and I started living in sin got married). He and another couple, with whom we have gone lots of places, went out to eat before the ice skating. And then suddenly I was back in my little duplex and he had gone home, and I was all like, "Wait! We didn't go to the damn Olympics!!!!!!! He tricked me!" And I can't believe I just said "I was all like." That's what these dreams do to me.

In my dream I was torn between getting in my car and driving to the Olympics by myself, because I really wanted to see those ice skaters, or plotting my revenge on him. I was trying to think of something that I could to do get back at him.

Beyond the obvious, which apparently I had already done, moving out and leaving him without a cook.

As it were.

Crazy Dream #9......

Last night I dreamed that Hubby and I were walking somewhere, but he kept getting ahead of me. This could have been anywhere from the park to Disney World to the grocery store to a baseball game. He just can't walk any way other than fast. And I have short legs.

I kept trying to run to catch up with him, but it was like I was wearing concrete shoes. I was ponderous and slow and I couldn't make up any ground.

[Subconscious to Bragger: Can't you recognize a hint to step away from the cookies when you see it?]

Then we were trying to walk up this path where they were putting in a new road or bridge or something, and we had to detour around the construction. There was a stream beside the road, only sometimes we had to walk IN the stream. Hubby pointed and said, "Look, there's a ____ _____." I have no idea what it was, but I know it was two words.

It was a fish that looked like a cat. No, not a catfish. This was an underwater CAT cat, munching away on some kind of fish that it had caught. It looked kind of calico, or maybe just tabby. It's hard to tell WHAT color its fur was, because it was underwater. And yes, it had fur. And it was holding the fish it was enjoying for dinner in its little paws.

I'm going to blame it on the switch to Daylight Savings Time.

Yeah, that's it.

Crazy Dream #8.....

Last night I dreamed I won a trip to spend a day with Pioneer Woman. She must have been in a cheap mood, because I didn't get to spend the weekend. Just flew in for one day and then had to fly home.

While I was there, I also went with someone (a girl?) to visit a school. That's pretty weird itself, since Pioneer Woman's children are home schooled. But whoever this girl was introduced me to her teacher. It was a P.E. class, but they were doing everything EXCEPT P.E. When we were introduced, the teacher held out his left hand for me to shake, but I reached and grabbed his right hand, and his right arm didn't work at all. It was paralyzed and deformed, and that was why he stuck out his left hand in the first place.

Then I asked Pioneer Woman what time it was and whether we were on Central Time or Mountain Time, and she said Central Time, but only for a little while longer, because then Daylight Savings Time would start and they didn't observe DST.

I don't believe Pioneer Woman cooked a single thing the whole time I was there. Some kind of food blogger SHE is.

Then I woke up and realized I had to go to the eye doctor this morning.