Night before last, I had one of those crazy dreams that make me wonder, "How in the world can my brain make that stuff UP?"
I dreamed I went to visit Sweet Girl in Florida. Only we took a little side trip, a weekend jaunt to ....... France. Because clearly a trans-Atlantic voyage is a good thing to do over a weekend.
We were riding this little tram thingie, and it pulled into a station along the border. The border of WHAT I'm not sure, but we had to wait there for a while. In the tram station (because it wasn't a TRAIN, it was a TRAM), there was a gift shop. And it had a swimming pool.
We went for a swim in the pool, and there was a chair floating in the pool. It was a chair sort of like this one:
But the cushion was one of those loose ones. When I jumped in the pool, the cushion flew out of the chair, into the window of the gift shop, where it proceeded to do a great deal of damage.
This was no ordinary souvenir shop. It had a lot of expensive, high-end knick-knacks, but its specialty was .....
That's right, crystal door knobs. A whole store full of them.
Don't laugh. Have you DONE a Google search for images of crystal door knobs lately? Go ahead.... I'll wait here.
Naturally I proceeded to fill up a basket with a lot of souvenirs (oddly enough, I wasn't wet from my little swim), but mostly a nice selection of crystal door knobs. But I couldn't get any of the hoity-toity cashiers to wait on me. They were all painfully thin, wore black slacks, and had major attitudes. But they spoke perfect English. Probably Southern English, but that detail escapes my memory.
I was about to go into a snit and put all the doorknobs and other knick-knacks back on the shelves, when FINALLY one of the snooty girls deigned to wait on me. She rang up all my purchases, but before she gave me the total, she said, "Now about the chair cushion.... What happened?"
I proceeded to tell her the story about the cushion flying through the window, and she nodded sympathetically, but she said, "Well, come on in the office and see if you can contact someone at your insurance agency."
I tried to explain to her that it was 8:00 PM on a Sunday night back in the States, and there was no way I could get anyone from the insurance company on the phone. It was too late to deny any responsibility for the flying swimming pool cushion, so I was at a loss as to what to do. Did anyone else catch on to the fact that if it was mid-afternoon in France, it was more likely 8:00 AM in the States? I'm backward even in my dreams.
And then I woke up. I don't know if they arrested me for the damage to the store (none of which was visible as I shopped for doorknobs), or more importantly, how much all the doorknobs cost.
You may now return to your lives filled with normalcy. None lurking here.