- If you forget to stop at your usual store for the newspaper on Monday because the
communists cheapskatespeople who own the newspaper won't deliver Monday's paper until Tuesday, it will take you three more stores to find one that actually carries that paper.
- Even in a small town (or perhaps especially in a small town), you can't leave school at 3:00 and get all the way across town for a doctor's appointment at 3:20.
- If you pay attention to the appointment sheet the receptionist gives you at your LAST appointment, you might notice that the 4:00 appointment you requested is actually at 3:20, and you might notice it earlier than the day before said appointment when you have a jillion conflicts.
- Rushing out of school and stressing because you are afraid you will be late for a 3:20 doctor's appointment almost guarantees that the doctor will come into the exam room at 4:20. And stay for four minutes. And forget to give you the very prescription for a nasal spray she recommended. And tell you to come back in six months. And you won't call back, because the
communists cheapskatesdoctor's office charges $10 for the phone call and $5 for the additional prescription.
- If you don't look at it very often, you won't obsess about the fact that some of your Christmas tree lights blink and some don't.
- If the only thing you can have before they draw blood at the doctor's office is black coffee, it is possible to suck it up and drink it black.
- A boob job for a seventeen-year-old costs $5700.
- If you mention to your Hubby that you plan to drive to Alabama for a gymnastics meet in January, he will decide that is close enough to Mississippi to warrant a trip to the casino and offer to drop you off. He will then proceed to invite as many of his buddies as he thinks will fit into your SUV.
- Going back to Zumba class after an absence of more than a month isn't painful at all, and you will remember most of the dances. Eventually.
- Having chili for dinner right before going back to Zumba class will add an entirely new dimension of difficulty to some of the required moves.
- If you transfer money from savings to Hubby's checking account to cover the cost of car tag renewals because all $642 worth of them come due on Hubby's January 1st birthday, you will later receive an email informing you that the insurance on said vehicles, also $600, is also due on January 1st. Merry Christmas.
- Deciding to wear off-white slacks to school is best done BEFORE you put on those cute panties with the flower print. Unless you just LIKE getting dressed twice.
- Wearing off-white slacks to school is fine, unless you decide you will try to drink a cup of coffee while you walk down the hall. It has been proven that you can't walk and drink. Remember that cup of wine you tried to drink while walking from the tailgating lot to the stadium? Yeah, that.
- Having Angry Birds on your iPhone is not a good idea.