Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas Eve......

Merry Christmas Eve to all of you out there in blog land.

I'm fighting off a bit of the blues tonight, but determined not to be gloomy. It doesn't help that Hubby has turned the t.v. to Lonesome Dove, and Gus McCrae has just died AGAIN. I wish he wouldn't do that every time we watch it.

It seems that many Christmas Eves in my adult life have had sadness attached to them. Most of that sadness stems from the disaster that was my second marriage. The SH had his own ideas of how to celebrate Christmas Eve, and they involved drinking heavily and not coming home. He had the misguided impression that other people liked his company on this special holidays.

I was talking to my mother today about Christmases past. She was a single mother for most of my life, trying to make ends meet on her own and still provide Christmas for all five of us. My father's court-ordered child support was $6 per week per child, and he didn't believe in giving her one penny beyond that. Yet I don't remember ever being sad or disappointed on Christmas as a child. Mom always managed to scrape enough together to surprise us with toys and clothes that I know now she couldn't afford. I remember one Christmas in particular when I got a dangerous combination: roller skates and new jeans. It never occurred to ME that I should save the new pants for wearing when school started back. I fell down while trying to master the new skates on the asphalt of our trailer park, and I tore a huge hole in the new jeans. My mother must have been crushed, and there was the threat of a butt-beating if not the actuality. I couldn't blame her; I deserved it richly.

The two Christmases when Sweet Girl was in the Persian Gulf were tough, of course. Now she has a home of her own, and while I miss her painfully at Christmas, I respect her decision not to come home, especially since she was just here two weeks ago.

Well this isn't a very merry posting, so I'll stop for now. Hubby and I will spend part of tomorrow with his family, and maybe the weather will be nice enough tomorrow afternoon for a long walk. That can only help my spirits.

Merry Christmas to everyone.


Evil Pixie said...

Even though you aren't feeling very Christmasy, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

DJan said...

I too hope you have a wonderful Christmas Day, filled with the light that is trying to return to the skies. I'm a bit down, too, but I'm determined to spread holiday cheer because I know it will be returned. Thank you for being part of my life.

Kelly said...

No law says all posts have to be cheerful and upbeat, so you're allowed to have some that aren't occasionally. I hope that today has turned out to be a good one for you.

We did our celebrating yesterday and today is the first time ever that I haven't seen at least one of my kids on Christmas Day. Different.