Just Another Day at the Zoo......

We had one of those wacky days at school today.

Not a long succession of multiple problems, just a squirrely day. We had a staff member out (again) and no substitute (again), so we had to absorb extra kids into each class period. No biggie, because we had room for them, but it's just....different. Throws us out of kilter. I was pretty busy all day, but not harried. That means I didn't have to scream at anyone, but I also didn't have time to shop online.

We have one girl several girls who invent drama if they think the drama meter is running low. There is one in particular who will stay out of school for days at a time and blame "that girl who keeps saying mean things to me" and threaten to kick her a**, and the next day after she comes back they are best friends and buddied up in the same bathroom stall working out their problems.

Today I heard an annoying, ongoing noise from the girls' bathroom that just went on and on. I thought at first it was just the P.E. kids from the other program changing clothes. But it continued, and finally I realized Drama Queen and her Drama Princess were both missing from my classroom.

Drama Queen was in the bathroom stall, wailing at the top of her lungs on her cell phone, and then reporting (still wailing) whatever was being said on the phone to the Drama Princess. I don't think she realized I was there, although she was looking dead at me, when she said, "I'm pregnant!"

But then she regained consciousness (or what passes as consciousness for her), realized I was there and heard every word, and she slammed the stall door.

I won't go into all the details, but I turned her over to an administrator who gets paid way more than I do to deal with cray-cray.

According to Drama Queen, she has all the symptoms of being pregnant.

Has she missed a period? No.
When is her period due? The last week in the month. [Check your calendars - I'll wait here.]
Her main symptom? A spot on her neck that someone reported was just like the one her sister and her sister-in-law both had when THEY were pregnant. [Said spot was invisible to the administrator, by the way.]

Good.

Lord.

The only symptom she really has is that the hormones have made her cray-cray.

Oh wait. She was already that way.

Retire? Who me?

You bet your a**.