Police Blotter Blogger Fodder Part 5......

I'm slightly disturbed that the local police blotter hasn't had as much entertaining fodder lately as it used to. I'd like to think the residents of our county are getting smarter, but I'm afraid that isn't really the case. It's probably more likely that the newspaper has resisted publishing some of the evidence of profound stupidity and possible in-breeding.

There were a few in today's paper, however.

• Two neighbors complained about each other walking in front of their houses. Both parties were told to stop walking in front of each other's houses and to stop talking to each other. (Is it possible that at least one of these parties needs to get a life? A job? Another house?)
  
• A man said a six foot tall woman with blond hair had been to his house trying to sell children's books. (Which part made her suspicious? Being six feet tall? Blond hair? Selling children's books?)
  
• A woman said her boyfriend recently moved out and left his two children. (WTH?) The woman returned the children to their grandmother, but said she was afraid the children's mother would become upset when she found out. (Upset that she returned them? Upset that he left him in the first place? Upset that she had two children?)
• Police were called after a husband and wife argued about their age difference, the wife's Facebook friends and who the wife was talking to on the phone. According to both parties, the confrontation was not physical. (According to this model, I should have called the police when Hubby informed me that we were going to knock out a wall in the upstairs?)
• Police were dispatched ... after a report of an injured buzzard. (Isn't this taking animal rights just a LITTLE. TOO. FAR?????) The buzzard had a broken wing. The DNR advised they would not come out for an injured bird and requested the officer put down the bird. The bird was dispatched. (They hired him? Where was he dispatched to? Another call about an injured animal?)
• A woman was driving ... when she heard a loud bang. When she stopped to check her vehicle, she discovered it had been egged. (Just how big WAS that freakin' egg?)
• A man received an automated call warning him of recent burglaries in his area. When he tried to call the number which was displayed on his caller ID, he was unable to reach anyone. (Why would anyone return an automated call? Thank them for the info? Schedule his own burglary?)
• A woman said her son and his ex-girlfriend engaged in a dispute after her son brought his "new woman" home. (If she's an ex, what was she doing there? In the words of Hubby, "If you're an ex, you gotta expect these things.)
• A woman said she received so many calls from her sister that her phone locked up. (Nurse Jane and Katydid, if I ever lock up your phones, would you please just TELL ME instead of calling the po-po?)

And my personal favorite (drumroll, please)................................................

• It took one hour, four deputies, two paramedics and a civilian to get a drunk man up the bank of the Mulberry River. The son said he and his father arrived at the river earlier that evening and began drinking. The son said [his father] had about six beers before switching to whiskey. Due to his excessive alcohol consumption, [he] rendered himself incapable of climbing back up the bank to his son's car. When the deputy arrived, he found [the man] lying on his back. According to the report, [he] was unable to speak clearly and was "unable to function any of his body parts." (Seriously? How many of his separate body parts did they check? Can you imagine how much worse this whole situation might have been if the civilian hadn't shown up?)

Happy weekend, y'all!