Doubting Myself.....

I wrote a few months ago about how I had become so obsessed with gymnastics that I decided to become a gymnastics judge. I thought I knew a lot about gymnastics.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

As soon as I learned that the Level 5-6 competitors do the same exact routines, I lost a little bit of interest. I became a member of the national governing organization, took the online safety course (to be a JUDGE?), bought the compulsory materials, and my eyes glazed over.

There was a judges' test in June, but I didn't think I was ready for it. There was supposed to be another one in August, so I decided to do that one. I kept checking for the link and the location, but it was never there.

So I didn't study.

Until suddenly it WAS there.

But oops.....I had a bike ride that day.

So I didn't study some more.

And then they posted a September date for the test. I wrestled with whether or not even to proceed. I thought about the money I had spent getting the necessary credentials even to be allowed TO TAKE the test, but it wasn't the money. At least it wasn't ALL about the money. Heck, once money's gone, it's gone, and there's no bringing it back.

I made the decision to go through with this thing, though, because I have never given up on anything in my life. Except for a couple of marriages and scuba diving, but that's a whole other issue or two.

I have started studying relentlessly. My desk is covered in note cards. I have highlighted, arranged, taken practice tests, used a cool quizzing program (just for gymnastics judging - who knew?), and I still don't get some things. I still forget whether an arched position is an up to .1 deduction or a flat .3 deduction. And I haven't even started trying to learn the order of the elements and their point values.

But I am going to go through with it, studying as hard as I can until September 11th, and if I fail the test I fail it. I'll probably take it again.

I may never judge a single gymnastics competition in my life, but I don't want to be a quitter.

Unless I win the lottery. Then I'm quitting everything.

Except my marriage.