Would You Like to Hear Our Specials?...........

Our telephone number is the same as one of our local pizza joints, only ours is 4-1-3-1 where theirs is 3-1-4-1, so we take their calls all the time. We are most likely to get pizza calls on the weekend (duh), when it's raining, and during the Super Bowl.

The three rational people in our county realize their mistake immediately and apologize. I'm okay with them. Even though some of them do it REPEATEDLY. As in WEEKLY.

It's the rest of the bastards careless citizens who annoy me.

[Can you tell I just learned how to strike through text in HTML? Hmmmm?]

Many of them just hang up as soon as I say, "Hello?" They have to know that I have caller ID, and if I don't know who they are, I at least have their phone numbers. I have been tempted, particularly when one hangs up long after my bedtime, to call them back when I get up the next morning. "Did you enjoy your pizza? Anchovies? Pepperoni? Thin crust or hand-tossed? Heartburn this morning? Did you get the free sodas that came with it? How about the garlic butter, did you like that?"

Then there are the ones who are completely OBLIVIOUS of the fact that I answered the phone with "Hello?" and not "Mazzios". Sometimes they proceed to order anyway.

Depending upon my level of bitchiness mood, one of the following conversations may or may not take place. Both of these actually have happened.

Me: Hello?

Caller: You got any pizza? [Aside: Now isn't that an asinine question to ask if you ARE calling the pizza joint?]

Me: No.

Caller: Well, when you gonna have some?

Me: Oh, probably sometime next week.

Caller: But I want some pizza tonight!

Me: Then you should probably call the pizza place.



And on a different night:

Me: Hello? [Detect a pattern here? I usually answer the phone with "Hello".]

Caller (obviously a young person): Umm, yeah, I want to order a large pepperoni pizza.

Me: Okay. Is that all?

Caller: Yeah.

Me: All right, it'll be there in about 30 minutes.

Caller: Okay. [Hangs up]

About 5 minutes later, phone rings again. Caller ID displays same number as before.

Me: Hello?

Caller (obviously previous caller's mom): Can you cancel that last order?

Me: Not a problem.



On a couple of different occasions, our answering machine message has said:

"This is 555-0101. [Not our real number, obviously.] If you want to order a pizza, you have called the wrong number. If you would like to speak to one of us, please leave a message."

One caller apparently had a sense of humor, and he called TWICE. The second time he left a message that said, "I just had to call back and hear that again. I love that message!"

Hubby used to threaten to change our number, but he stubbornly refused to do it because in his words, "I've had that phone number for 36 years. They can change theirs!"

I don't think they mind us getting their calls.

Except for those rare occasions when I take an order. And then don't deliver the pizza.