Saturday, July 4, 2009

The INDEPENDENCE Day That Almost Was......

Twenty-two years ago today, I ALMOST made the best decision of my life.

I had lost my mind and decided to marry a jerk, a tyrant, an @$$hole, all wrapped up in one. Please just shoot me now rather than make me remember this.

Nothing big, just a civil ceremony.

He had one job. ONE. That was to find someone to marry us.

At around 2:00 in the afternoon of the 4th, he started calling random preachers he had heard of in passing. Along with a redneck dude who called himself the "Mayor of Struggleville" and had been a justice of the peace, but could no longer perform marriage ceremonies.

I told him to get his %*!$ out of my car, my house, and my life.

But our "friends" were at our local hangout, and they were expecting us to get married that day.

So I relented, and we even pretended that we HAD gotten married that day. We went to the courthouse on Monday instead. It was two weeks later when I finally told my mother.

God, will I forever wish I had stuck to my guns on that Fourth of July.

May all your Fourth of July memories be happy ones. Mine have been, ever since 1997.

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