One t-shirt I stole from a guy my mom was dating at the time. It had a cartoon drawing on it, and it said, "Mabel's Cat House. Our Customers Come First."
I thought it was funny. And I WORE it.
Groan.
During my skydiving years, I saw a t-shirt in a catalog that I just had to have. This was in the late 80's, and the message was actually kind of appropriate. It said, "Remember when sex was safe and skydiving was dangerous?" The words weren't all that bad by themselves. But on closer inspection, the illustration was a few shades beyond risque. It was drawn from the perspective of being inside a small airplane. You could see little parachutes floating down to the earth. In the background was another airplane. It was shaped like a penis. On the ground was a target, and it was an egg. Not a chicken egg. The little parachutists getting ready to leave the plane were sperm. They looked really happy.
I wore that shirt proudly. Oh. My. God. What was I thinking? If I have ANY defense in this matter, it is that this was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before the internet, and I only had a tiny picture in the catalog to go by. I couldn't discern what the picture was at all. But then the shirt came, and I STILL wore it.
Shudder.
After I started teaching, I saw someone wearing a t-shirt one day, and nothing would do but I would go to THAT particular marina (who buys t-shirts at a marina anyway?) the next time we were at the lake, and I had to have THAT t-shirt. It was very colorful, covered all over (front AND back) with multicolored cartoon drawings of animals. In every imaginable position of procreation. Only you could tell by the looks on their faces that they weren't interested in procreating.
I wore that shirt. To a faculty picnic.
Our legendary football coach (the stadium is now named after him) was there with his wife, and she suddenly shrieked, "I LOVE that shirt!" It was one of those designs that you might look at all day long and not process what the images were doing. They just looked like cartoon animals. After Foskie saw them, however, (yes, that's her real name), EVERYONE was staring at my t-shirt. And that was OKAY.
Heave.
It is with great relief that I can report today that I don't have any of those t-shirts so I can post pictures of them here. Even better, there are no surviving pictures of me wearing any of them (that I know of).
Apparently I've FINALLY grown out of that phase. I still wear t-shirts with messages, but they were more likely to be associated with UGA, hating the University of Florida, Georgia Gymnastics, bicycle rides (BRAG in particular), or being a Navy Mom. I think it's okay to wear those proudly.
Every now and then, however, for reasons that I cannot determine, I slip back into those old habits and see a shirt that I JUST HAVE TO HAVE.
That happened this past weekend at the motorcycle ride. Weesa and I spotted the shirt at the same time, and she laughed and said it was cute. She walked on, but I. Had. To. Have. It. Twenty-four dollars for a t-shirt? No problem! I've GOT twenty-four dollars! Never mind that I was purchasing it from a vendor under a tent at a motorcycle ride.
I couldn't wait to wear it. I got home and tried it on to make sure I'd bought the right size.
I sent a picture of it to Sweet Girl and Katydid.
Sweet Girl said, "Cute!"
Katydid said, "Huh?"
I showed it to Hubby when he got home. By then I was already asking, "Where in the hell am I going to wear that shirt?"
He said, "I guess you can wear it to the casino. But please don't wear it if I'm NOT around. I don't want people to get the wrong message."
What was I thinking?
Is there hope that I may yet grow out of the temptation even to BUY things like this?
Good Lord.
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