Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Don't Do It Brett.....

I heard this morning that Brett Favre is considering coming out of retirement. Again. This time to play for the Minnesota Vikings.

Apparently even with all his money (after a gazillion years in the NFL, he would have lots of money, right?) Brett can't figure out what to do in his spare time. He does all right all winter, but when spring comes and all his buddies head off to spring training, he gets a little lonely. And crazy.

Who am I kidding? Favre has NO contemporaries left in the league, surely. He will be forty in October. 4-0. A quarterback.


I offer here some suggestions for things Brett can do in his spare time so he will not miss football so much.

  • Start reading the Harry Potter books. By the time he gets finished with the ones that have already been published, maybe there will be a new one out. I know J. K. Rowling said she was finished with the series, but Brett also said he was through with football.
  • Go on Dancing with the Stars. Warren Sapp finished in second place, which was a whole lot longer than anyone expected him to last. Lawrence Taylor also made it more than halfway, and Emmitt Smith won (didn't he?). So there's a good history of football players on DWTS. That alone could take up 9 or 10 weeks of Brett's life, if he's good enough to hang around. And he's had a lot of practice dancing around in the pocket all these years.
  • Hike the Appalachian Trail. That should tell the true story of whether Brett is indeed still physically fit. And by the time he spends six months or so in the wilderness, we might know once and for all if that is really all the facial hair he can manage or if that's a deliberate look he's been going for all this time.
  • Become Hank Haney's next project and perfect his golf swing. I doubt Brett is anywhere near as bad as Charles Barkley, so Hank would probably be relieved not to have such a tremendous challenge. He could even go on the PGA tour. In preparation for the Seniors' Tour, which is right around the corner.
  • Become a basketball fan. If they add any more teams or rounds to the NBA play-offs, pretty soon that will be a year-round sport, and Brett won't have to miss football at all.
  • Learn to cross-stitch. I've got one project that I've been working on since I was pregnant with Sweet Girl, and I haven't regretted not being an NFL quarterback one single moment.
  • Write a book. Call it.....say......."Why I Couldn't Retire from the NFL". Then he can write the sequel and call it "Why I Still Couldn't Retire from the NFL".
Come on, Brett, don't embarrass yourself again. Retire and stay retired. It's for your own good.

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