What Would I Trade for the Internet.....

CNN Headline News was having a poll this morning, as they do many mornings, about what some people would be willing to give up (if they had to) in order to keep the internet. More women than men were willing to give up sex if they could keep the internet. No surprise there. They were asking for viewers to email in their responses, and I felt compelled to participate, because I think Robin Meade is the cutest thing and watching CNN Headline News is like daily therapy for me. I get so wrapped up in the lives of Robin, Richard, Bob van Dillen, and Rafer. I take it personally when one of them takes a day off, although Christy Paul is an excellent substitute. I was quite offended when Rally Caparas stopped doing air traffic reports. I looked forward to Fridays, when he was actually in the studio instead of phoning in his report from Charleston. There was this one Friday when Rally made it to the studio but his luggage didn't, so he had no clothes to wear on the air. So he phoned in his report from the next room. That seems like a waste of an expense account to me, but whatever. I was relieved when I learned that he had gone back to working for the FAA (he was a former air traffic controller) and it wasn't that he had been fired from the show. I don't think.

I wanted to participate in this morning's poll, though, so I tried to think of what I would be willing to sacrifice in order to keep the internet.

And my answer was.......


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........ nothing.

I want it all.

I need my laptop, because even if I didn't HAVE the internet, I have yet to win at Spider Solitaire playing with four suits. And I'm convinced that it's possible to do so. I also need the laptop to write that book that's been bouncing around in my head for the past 10 years or so. It gets really active right when I turn out the lights, but hubby isn't too fond of me bringing the laptop to bed with me.

I need my Blackberry, because not only does it allow me to communicate with Sweet Girl even when she's in Dubai or France, it sends me my junk emails immediately so I don't have to wait until I get home from school to read them. And I can play Brickbreaker during boring meetings or random other times I should be paying attention. I learned that from my boss.

I need the GPS on my bicycle because it allows me to download the routes I've taken and see my mistakes in living color instead of just in the crinkly folds of my gray matter. And it allows me to post my routes on my blog and make people suffer through descriptions of whatever lunacy I have experienced on the latest ride. And theoretically it could lead me home if I ever got lost, but I would have to turn around and follow the little line all the way back to where I started. I'm not usually willing to do that.

I need the GPS on my car because it allows me to get home from places. I can read a map or directions well enough to get ANYWHERE, but it's the getting back that gives me trouble. The nice lady who talks me through any trip is very polite and never gets offended, even when I refuse to follow her helpful suggestions and she has to keep "recalculating."

I need both flat-screen televisions, because something sports related is always on, and if hubby is surfing the channels and stays on the World Poker Tour from 2002 or the LPGA in Saudi Rabia or somewhere for too long or falls asleep with the remote control in his hand, I can always go upstairs and make sure I don't miss a kick-off. Or an instant replay. Or the entire replay of a football game from 1980.

I need my iPod Shuffle because it's cute and clips onto my clothes if I should ever break into a jog when I'm walking in the park with Gus.

I need my other mp3 player because it plays video and records sound and plays the radio and has an entirely different selection of music on it from the iPod Shuffle.

I need my Canon Sureshot digital camera because it takes terrific pictures AND video and fits into the Bento box on my bicycle. It's also small enough for me to put it in my pocket should the need arise.

I need my big-dog Canon EOS Rebel digital camera because I also bought a humongus lens for it and I can take beautiful shots of the full moon and the International Space Station if I ever figure out aperture, f-stops, shutter speed, and Apgar scores.

I need my digital binoculars that take pictures because we ONCE went to a concert at the Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater, and they won't let you in if you have a camera on you. Seriously. But binoculars are okay, and I felt like I had screwed the system when I took them in. Never mind that I never could download the pictures and after the sun goes down they look like crap and we may never go to another concert at Hi-Fi Buys, I've still got the gadget.

I need my DVR because Dancing with the Stars stays on too late for me to watch it. And I like to record tape-delayed showings of gymnastics meets that I attended in person. So I can watch them numerous times. Because a perfect-10 routine never gets old.

I need the hammered dulcimer under my bed because once I retire I might find the time and a teacher to teach me how to play it. It makes the most gorgeous sound, and while I can pick out a tune on it, I would like to know how to play it better.

I need the piano because I've had it since my 17th birthday. And playing it is a kind of therapy for me. I haven't played in months, though, and we may be on to something here.....

I need the treadmill that is in what used to be Sweet Girl's room, because I might actually start walking on it again. I did put 1000 miles on it, so it got a good bit of use before we put down new hardwood floors and it couldn't live in the living room anymore. Doesn't seem fair. I used to love walking on the treadmill while I watched Robin Meade in the mornings.

I guess if I HAD to I could give up the crock pot.