The Night Before My Last First Day.......

Tomorrow I begin the last year of my teaching career (yes, really!), and I thought I would set some teaching goals for the year.

I have shamelessly stolen this idea from my friend over at VodkaMom, and not JUST because I love her blog title. I have to admire anyone who has taught kindergarten as long as she has. I am also shamelessly linking to her blog because I am hoping against hope that I am the person chosen to win her giveaway for a fabulous scooter. I have convinced myself that I really need one of those.

These are the things I would most like to teach my high school students in the coming year. Forgive me if mine aren't as uplifting as VodkaMom's. Her students arrive wearing cute shoes and eager to learn. Mine arrive wearing as little as possible and already knowing everything.

• Your definition of an "emergency" might be slightly different from the rest of the world. Making arrangements for a ride after school is NOT an acceptable reason to use your cell phone in the middle of English class.
• Occasionally we have "professional dress" days, in the hopes of instilling in some of you the idea that your job may require that you dress in a certain way. Apparently we need to be more specific about which "professions" we are talking about. If we provide you with a school-logo blazer and it is longer than your skirt, your "profession" may need some further reflection.
• If you bring your baby(ies) to school, we will ooh and aah over him/her/them. We will also do everything in our power to help you finish school. That does NOT mean we think it is a GOOD IDEA for you to have a baby at 17. Or 18. Or without an education, a support system, child care, or perhaps someone other than your mama to help you raise the baby(ies). 
• Just because your curriculum is delivered primarily over the internet, that does NOT mean that's where your essays should come from. If you submit an essay using the words "emulate" or "heretofore," it's a dead giveaway that you may have procured it online.
• Speaking of essays, double spacing means there should be a blank line between each line of text. It does NOT mean you should go back and put two spaces between each letter. I'm looking at YOU....
• Your "crises" are no worse than anyone else's. You aren't more important than anyone else. Leave your drama at home, because frankly we are sick of it.
• Listening to music while you do your work is fine. Spending 50 minutes searching for just the right song to inspire you to "learn" is not. 
• There are only five teachers in our school. If you cannot remember my name, at least do not confuse me with one of the two men on our faculty.
• School ends at 3:00. This does NOT mean you should pack up your belongings at 2:45 because you "don't have enough time to start something else." Sure you do.
• I cannot make the room comfortable for everyone. If it's too hot or cold, please dress accordingly. 
• This is a school of choice. If you don't like the rules/parking/classes/teachers/building, feel free to return to your home school at the semester break. With or without some credits. It's really up to you.
• High school is really about as easy as your life is going to get. Really. So if you think this "sucks," you probably won't like anything from here on out.
• I realize you may have had a difficult life. You may have had a tough upbringing. You may be on your own. I sympathize, really I do. But you have the choice to wallow in self-pity or rise above it. Use it as an excuse or use it as a motivator. It's really up to you.
• Having an "anger management problem" is not a global excuse for poor behavior. In the real world, acting out without considering the consequences HAS consequences. Grow up. We don't care about how hard it is for you to manage your anger. Deal with it.
• If you cannot be bothered to come to school on the last day of the year because you have a nail appointment, please don't be offended if we don't accept you back for the next year. We are full; we don't need dead weight.
• Please limit your grandmothers' deaths to two per year. I realize you may have more grandmothers than that, but aren't ANY of them healthy?
• If you mention in your interview that you want to leave your home school because there is too much "drama" and then you experience "drama" at OUR school, chances are the school is not the problem. 
• If you decide to cheat the system by signing into the online curriculum as a different student because he is doing YOUR work in another class, you might want to consider waiting until he is actually IN THE BUILDING before you sign in for him.
• Girls: Really, it's going to come around each and every month (we hope). Please try to be prepared at least SOME of those months. 
• If you are a smoker, you stink. No amount of chewing gum, breath mint, or body spray will mask that. You just stink. 

All that being said, I really think it's going to be an AWESOME school year. And not just because I only have 176 days left.