Police Blotter......

I'm sure ours is not the ONLY small town in America with its share of humorous arrest stories in the local newspaper. It's possible that I'm deriving a lot of pleasure from today's edition because these are the same jerks journalists who published my salary last month, along with the implication that I'm making way more money than I deserve.

I offer for your reading pleasure a few excerpts from today's paper. You may consider yourself lucky that this paper comes out only once a week.

"Deputies were dispatched to a West ______ Industrial Park business after two brothers engaged in a physical confrontation. The brothers, who are co-owners of a business, were reportedly arguing about money and the business when one of the brothers made a rude comment about the other's wife. The brother whose wife was insulted claimed his brother rushed at him and threw a table at him. The other brother claimed he was the victim and that the table broke while he was defending himself against his brother. due to the conflicting stories, the deputy was unable to determine which brother was the primary aggressor. The deputy wrote, 'I mediated the brothers and advised them of the proper way to behave as adults.'"


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"Financial identity fraud [was investigated] on ______ _______ Drive. A woman accused her daughter of forging over $107,000 in company checks. The daughter allegedly committed the forgeries with the full knowledge of her step-father who is now divorced from her mother and romantically involved with her."

Now THERE'S a class act.

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Cattle theft on ______ Road. Five calves valued at $2,500 were reported stolen.


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Motor vehicle theft on ________ ______ Road. A woman said her friend borrowed her 1996 Ford Ranger truck to visit his son in ________. Days later, the woman learned that the man had taken the truck to Miami, Fla. and did not plan to return it.


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Complaint on ______ Road. A woman arrived home to find a wild rabbit being chased by dogs running across her yard. Several shots were then fired in the wooded area behind her home. The woman said she had not authorized any hunting on her property.


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Complaint on _____ ______ Road. An intoxicated woman dialed 911 because her son and his girlfriend were arguing.


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An _______ man called police after his soon to be ex-wife threatened to "kick his ass." The threat came on the heels of a Feb. 10 argument in which the man learned that the two-year-old girl he had been raising as his own was not his child.


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Complaint on _____ _____ Road. A wife walked into a bar and threw two bags of medication at her husband. The bar employees reported the incident after the wife yelled at them for serving alcohol to her husband.


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Complaint on ______ Drive. A woman claimed her neighbor does not like her children and swears at them when she sees them.


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Domestic dispute on _______ Avenue. A husband was concerned that his wife was taking her medication while drinking beer.


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Damage to property on ________ Church Road. A homeowner reported that several loose cows had damaged her newly landscaped lawn.


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Harassing phone call on _____ _____ Road. An unidentified caller accused the complainant's son of being a derogatory term just like his one-eyed father.


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And it's not even the weekend yet!