Your writing is fraught with detail. As an English teacher, I am tempted to edit some of it out. Some of the details you include really add to the story. Some of them......well, they just add to the junk.
You could have easily omitted some of the unnecessary stuff and included .... oh, I don't know .... maybe some FREAKIN' QUOTATION MARKS TO LET ME KNOW WHO IS SPEAKING?
I'm the one who gave up on John Steinbeck, remember?
I'm not above giving up on you too.
Had a long week today,