Finally, It's Safe to Answer the Phone Again...

...and open the mailbox. And click on an email. And turn on the television. And listen to the radio.

No more being forced to read emails bashing this candidate or making fun of that one or wondering what it is about me that makes someone think I want to read that stuff. I voted last week, I voted for the candidate I think would be best for the country, and I kept my mouth shut about it. Not even hubby asked whom I voted for, and I won't ask him.

No more answering the phone to hear the governor's mother's sister's niece's boyfriend's aunt's baby-sitter endorsing one candidate or the other. I think the final straw was today when there was a message on the answering machine from Gretchen Wilson endorsing a presidential candidate. Now there's a rousing endorsement if ever I heard one. Gretchen-for-God's-sake-Wilson. On my answering machine. Because clearly she's so knowledgeable about all things political just because she has had a hit song or two. Whatever. If I were running for office and she endorsed me, I think I would go to whatever redneck gathering she's ruling over at the moment and punch her in the face. Word.

No more sifting through the mail and HOPING there's a bill tucked away in there somewhere, because for God's sake I can't stand ANOTHER POLITICAL FLIER. I throw them in the wood heater, but most of them don't even burn well. They're not even good for THAT.

No more worrying about opening my mouth when someone starts a political conversation, knowing that I'm bound to offend SOMEONE if not EVERYONE. I try to just let my eyes glaze over and say "ummm hummmm" a lot, but I'm sure that's insulting also.

Please, folks, let's just go back to talking about the economy, global warming, war in general, teen pregnancy, drugs, steroids in sports, Chinese gymnasts, thugs disguised as professional football players, missing aviators, the latest cool technology, year-round school, home schooling, the failure of schools, baggy britches, Britney Spears, Hollywood break-ups, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, nuclear weapons, the mortgage crisis, the Delta-Southwestern merger, drought, hurricanes, Mars Rovers, the Hubble telescope, obesity, health care, Social Security, digital television, pollution, racism, classism, elitism, rheumatism.