Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Big Old Bag of Duh.......

I know it isn't nice to make fun of those less fortunate.......

But when those less fortunate make three or four times my salary, I think they're fair game.

A certain collegiate gymnastics coach of my favorite team in the world recently spent three days in the hospital, a victim of.............................



She ate a spoonful of grits straight out of the microwave, and in doing so burned 8 inches of her esophagus.


How in the hell does one manage that? Really, how? Just in case you might think I'm making this up, here's the proof.

I'm sure she's a genius when it comes to gymnastics. Or maybe she's a genius when it comes to hiring assistants, because her teams have won 9 national championships. But every time she opens her mouth (before it was just to speak, but now I suppose I'll have to include eating grits), I cringe.

Many go to the meets just to see what she'll be wearing THIS time. She jumps around on those mats wearing shoes like the ones above. At an away meet last year, she came BOUNCING over to the spectators and said breathily, "Oh my gosh, I had to borrow this dress from _______. I forgot my clothes! Can you believe I forgot my clothes? I'm so embarrassed......I don't dress like a teenager!"

Since when?

Her team is warming up for a conference meet, and she's worried about her clothes?

At the sneak peek before the season started last year, she spent a lot of time explaining the different rules of college gymnastics to the crowd. Only she didn't know some of them. She had to get help from one of her assistants.

At the same meet where she "forgot" her clothes, she nearly went crazy when one of our gymnasts' routine was given a START value of 9.8. Uh.....we don't DO 9.8's. It was the last routine, and she almost chased the judges all the way to the.......wherever the judges go following a meet. Besides a bar. A judge explained why the routine was not awarded a start value of 10.0, at which point she slapped her forehead like, "Oh silly me!" Not, "Oh my gosh, it's my JOB to know what elements must be connected and this girl has been doing this routine all season and this is the first time we've noticed that it's missing a major connection and I hope I don't get fired for this." No, just "Silly me!" Or, more likely, "Silly girl! She should have known her routine wasn't a start value of 10.0."

I'm sorry; I didn't intend to be this harsh at the beginning of this post. I just have NO PATIENCE with airheads.

It's official......I'd rather have my brains than her money.

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