Police Blotter Blogger Fodder Part 7.......

It's been a while since I posted any of the scintillating events from one of our town's newspapers, and since I had my own close-up and personal encounter with one of our city's finest today, I thought it appropriate for tonight's blog topic.

Here are some recent .... uh .... crimes? .... reported in our town.

• Missing adult on June 9. A resident told police that his adult daughter had been missing since the previous day. The female was located at Wal-Mart in [a nearby town]. Shouldn't they always check Wal-Mart first?
• A woman reported a missing friend whom she had not spoken with since late June 7. An officer checked with the ______ County Detention Center and was informed that the woman's friend was incarcerated there.  If she's not at the Wal-Mart, she may just be locked up.
• A man told police he has found his back door open on several occasions and he was missing two ballpoint pens and approximately $3 in change. Raise your hand if you would notice two ballpoint pens missing from your house. And $3 in change.
• An office [sic] reported he found two bicycles on vacant property. So I should call the po-po when the neighbors' kids leave their bikes in our yard?
• A man told police his tan and orange bicycle was stolen between 7:30 and 8:30 PM. Check the vacant property in your area.
• Deceased person on June 11. There they go again, trying to arrest the dead.
• An officer responded to a harassment report and found a man sitting on the front porch who told him that his father's friend touched him inappropriately. When the officer talked with the man in question, he told the officer that the complainant was crazy. I'm not making fun of this situation, but surely this wasn't the end of the story?
• Dispatch was advised that a man was last seen in the area near the railroad tracks taking pictures and video of the trains going by. A police officer spotted the man taking pictures of the passing trains. The officer reported that the male identified himself as a student at Georgia Tech who was taking pictures because he likes trains. [I wonder if anyone has ever told this dude that is NOT the kind of engineering they teach at Georgia Tech? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha]  Dispatched [sic] advised that the FBI and CSX Corporation both told the man not to be on CSX property. The officer reported that the man was standing about 5-10 feet from the train tracks. He was issued a citation for criminal trespass, city violation and told not to be within 25 feet of the trains. Hubby and I are convinced this is the officer we had the **cough cough** pleasure of speaking to today. 
• A man reported that he had received a letter directed to his attention, but directed toward an employee of the SSA in ______. The letter referred to Hell, a "nuke," an "A-bomb," and "F-bomb" causing a "big bang." The reporting officer gathered the evidence from the man, which included an envelope with a return address on it, and turned the items over to investigations. I don't know what's sadder: the fact that the writer thinks an "F-bomb" belongs with all those other incendiary devices, or the fact that he put a return address on a letter containing terroristic threats.

And now the story that did NOT appear in today's police blotter because it missed the deadline. I'm sure it will be in there next week.

• Two middle-aged motorcyclists, one a retired Pepsi salesman and the other a teacher only one year away from retirement herself, were stopped today by a city policeman after they were spotted .... gasp .... riding side by side in the same lane for a distance of a quarter of a mile. After telling the couple that it is against the law to ride motorcycles in tandem due to safety issues NO FEWER THAN FOUR TIMES, the officer magnanimously stated he was not going to give them tickets for their flagrant violation of traffic laws. The citizens of our county can sleep better tonight.

Let me go on record here by saying that I am NOT one of those people who criticize the po-po for everything. My own niece is a law enforcement officer, and Hubby's former brother-in-law is also our former sheriff. I respect everything they do, and I appreciate their efforts to keep us safe.

Sarcasm aside, I also (reluctantly) acknowledge(d) that I was wrong. As soon as the cop said what the problem was, I immediately said, "My fault. I rode up next to him." He kept on and on, repeating the safety issue over and over again, even providing a detailed scenario of me being in the inside lane (I was) and having to dodge a car, and veering into Hubby, and the only place Hubby would have to go would be the ditch. (The officer was apparently unconcerned as to my outcome with the veering-out-of-lane, oncoming car.)

We. Get. It.

I said three times, "I know, it was my fault." That's in addition to Hubby saying, "That's your fault." I didn't even mind him saying that, because it was true. I refrained from telling the officer, "It's the only time I've EVER been able to catch him."

Here's the other part of the whole incident that irked me: The cop ignored me completely and talked solely to Hubby. Even with me saying three times that it was my fault. It was CLEARLY my error, since I was the rider who rode up next to the other one. I was next to the double yellow and (had been) behind Hubby. Even worse, I rode up next to Hubby because I wasn't paying attention. Not paying attention on a motorcycle is dangerous, to say the least.

But he kept talking only to Hubby, and he talked to him like he might be slightly retarded. Hubby's theory is that the cop WANTED Hubby to smart off to him. I was the one having to bite my tongue.

I had never been stopped on my motorcycle before. I can't believe I neglected to put THAT on my 50 Things to Do List.

The Time I Almost Got Arrested.....

I know, I know....

You're thinking: "What? There was only ONE?"

There were probably many times in college when I SHOULD have been arrested. Like the time my BFF Jason (whose birthday is today) went into Sanford Stadium at around midnight. They were doing construction on the stadium, so we had easy access. It was a spooky place at night. We thought about going down on the field so we could truly say we had been "Between the Hedges," but we thought better of it. Good thing too -- apparently those hedges and that field have alarms on them.

But no, the time I almost got arrested I didn't INTENTIONALLY break the law. It was just a couple of years ago when I took my mother to the airport.

You would have to know my mother to appreciate this story fully, but I'll try to convey it anyway. Mom does things .... her way. At her time. Whether or not it's the proper time. And God help anyone who gets in her way.

I was only dropping her at the airport (this is the Atlanta airport, you know, the one that is proclaimed the busiest airport in the WORLD?), so I didn't have to worry about parking. What I did have to worry about, apparently, was my mother following the rules.

As soon as the building came into sight, she was already scrambling for the door handle so she could just -- what, leap out? -- and I wouldn't have to park. Never mind the NICE (insert sarcasm here) Atlanta police officer who was standing in the lanes of traffic motioning for cars to keep moving.

But there were three lanes. And I was in the one closest to the curb. I really, really thought he was motioning -- and screaming -- for the OTHER two lanes to keep moving. Besides, if I had kept moving, I would have dragged my mother down the sidewalk, because she was BY GOD getting out of that car with her suitcase. She melted into the crowd, intent upon catching her flight, oblivious of the fact that I was in big trouble.

The NICE police officer rapped violently on my window and motioned for me to let the window down.

"License."

With hands shaking, I handed him the plastic container I keep my license and all my credit cards in.

"TAKE IT OUT!!!" he barked. I told you he was nice.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PENALTY FOR DISOBEYING A POLICE OFFICER IS?"

I weakly apologized, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know you meant for ME to keep moving." What I wanted to say was, "Hey jackass, do YOU KNOW WHAT THE PENALTY IS FOR NOT DOING WHAT MY MOTHER SAYS?"

"The fine for disobeying a police officer is $250!" he screamed.

At which point I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Hey jackass, I've GOT $250, okay?"

He took my license and went to the back of the car, scanned my insurance card (which we are NOT required to carry in Georgia anymore, by the way), looked at my license plate, and I think he took a mental picture of Every. Single. Decal. On. The. Back. Of. My. Car. Meanwhile I was about to hyperventilate.

He finally came back to my window and said something else snotty about disobeying a police officer, and I continued trying to explain that I hadn't intentionally disobeyed him, I had just misunderstood. Meanwhile, while he is berating me, THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE DOING WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT TO IN THE DROP-OFF LINE. I saw at least a dozen terrorists go by and snicker while the police officer was busy with me.

After what seemed like several days, he gave my license back (and I was shaking so badly I dropped my little plastic thingie and my credit cards scattered all over the floorboard) and sent me on my way. I was still trembling and gasping for air. I wanted to cry and I wanted my mommy...... No wait, SHE was the one who got me IN this mess! It wouldn't have done for me to get my hands on her at that point.

As soon as I got off the airport property and headed home on the interstate, my cell phone rang. It was my mother.

"My God," she said, "this place is a madhouse."

Woman, you have no idea.