Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Digest Diet.....

First of all, let me go on record as saying this is not an official review of this diet or even of this book. I haven't tried this diet. I have the book, and it will be going back to whence it came just as soon as I can get to the post office. And damn the **free** gifts. They're going back too.

Let me also go on record as saying I am NOT looking for a quick fix, a diet I can follow to drop ____ pounds and then go back to my wicked ways of sitting on the sofa eating bonbons while I watch trashy television. (Although there are times those activities sound pretty tempting. Like when I'm 60 miles into a bike ride and can't see the START/FINISH line on the GPS yet.)

What I AM looking for is a structured eating plan that I can follow for a short time to jump-start my seriously-plateaued weight loss efforts and get me back on the right track. I haven't fallen off the wagon; I'm hanging onto that bad boy with both hands and feet, and the wheels are falling off. I'm not off the wagon; the wagon has fallen off me.

I came across this diet while reading ... you guessed it ... The Reader's Digest. Because I've always been a big fan of the magazine and believe their first overarching quality is integrity, I was intrigued more than I might have been a typical magazine diet. (Although the ones I see featured on the cover of Women's World or whatever those things are I see in the grocery line sound just miraculous enough to try.)

I went online to check out the diet, but of course there isn't any information available online. Just raving testimonials and miraculous success stories and ten thousand links you can click to "ORDER NOW!" I clicked on one link just to find out how much the damn thing cost, but it took me to a fill-in form. And before I knew it I had entered my credit card information because, really, how much can it be, and besides, it's THE READER'S DIGEST for crying out loud! I don't think I knew the total amount until after I had ordered the book, and I think that's just a bad business practice.

The book arrived today, and like most diet plans it hides the information we really need (WHAT CAN I EAT? HOW OFTEN CAN I EAT? WHAT CAN I NOT EAT? HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM EVERY OTHER APPROACH I'VE EVER TRIED?) way in the back of the book, after six chapters of how exercises actually increases fat and there are such foods as "fat releasers" (I'd just like to pay the ransom and get on with it, personally) and happy little jokey things people say about people who need to lose weight. Picture the funny anecdotes in The Reader's Digest and then picture them all being about weight. Like that.

When I finally arrived at the eating plan, the first two words I saw were "shakes" and "soups." Accompanied, of course, by words like "delicious" and "easy-to-prepare."

Shakes and soups ain't happening in my world. I mean, I like both of them well enough and all, but I don't like either of them enough as a substitute for real eating.

I'm frustrated, but it's my own fault. I know I can't follow any kind of strict 21-day eating plan (even if it is a MIRACLE! AMAZING SUCCESS!) and still do things that are normal in my life like 60-mile bike rides and weekend trips to the casino and gymnastics competitions where popcorn just may turn out to be dinner.

The MOST frustrating part, though, is that if I had been able to glean even a smidgen of information about what the eating plan entails from the website (now THAT would have been a useful "CLICK HERE!" button), I would have known without ordering the book that it wasn't for me. I may never get my money back, and maybe I don't deserve to.

But I feel better getting this off my chest.

(I wonder if it weighed anything?)

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