Sometimes I have conversations with myself. Sometimes I even have arguments with myself, and sometimes I lose. Sometimes it's just one long running dialogue, and I get tired of hearing myself.
This morning I had the following conversation:
Me: It's 20-something degrees outside. I think I'll wear my blue turtleneck and warm, warm, warm navy blue sweater. But what shoes?
Self: You could wear those ugly brown ones that look like someone's father's work shoes if he worked in a factory and was required to wear ugly shoes.
Me: Yeah, but they're BROWN. I just don't think brown goes with navy and khaki.
Self: What about your new black boots?
Me: I might wear those later in the week with my red sweater dress (only dress?) and tights. If I go buy some tights, that is. And you know my shoe rule.
Self: What about your motorcycle boots?
Me: They're not real motorcycle boots. They have a RUFFLE on them, for Pete's sake. And they're not very warm.
Self (with a deep sigh): No, I mean your REAL motorcycle boots. The ones you bought for ... riding your motorcycle. The ones that are waterproof and skidproof and all those other proofs?
Me: Excellent idea! Now...what socks? You know I like for my socks to match what I'm wearing.
Self: You have navy blue socks.
Me: But they're not very warm.
Self: What about those snow-skiing socks that I don't know why you bought because you've never been snow skiing in your entire life?
Me: But they're black. Sort of.
Self: Your BOOTS are black. And besides, you'll have on long pants AND motorcycle boots. What are the chances anyone will see your damn socks?
Me: Good point. Should I take my jacket? You know I hate heavy coats.
Self: Duh. It's 20-something degrees outside. Take the jacket.
Me: But I really only need it for getting from the car to the building. It's not that far a walk. I'll just leave it here.
Self: Take. The. Damn. Jacket.
Me: ALL!!!! RIGHT!!!! Sheesh, you don't have to curse.
Since that unfortunate little exchange, I haven't spoken to myself all afternoon. Which is just as well, since I don't want to have to admit to myself that we only had spotty electricity all over the building this morning when I got to school, and we had ZERO heat. Even the little heater under my desk wouldn't work, because most of the electrical outlets didn't work. That jacket (and the gloves that live in the pockets) came in handy. But please don't tell myself. She can be a real beeyotch when she's right.