I am going to go out on a limb here and say that it's just as rude to be EARLY somewhere as it is to be LATE. Maybe even more so.
I don't mean going to the doctor's office or the movie theater or a ballgame or a gymnastics meet, where it's okay to show up early.
But if you're going to someone's HOUSE, whether it's for a party or to meet before going to breakfast, I contend that it's rude to show up early. Particularly if you've been told that a certain time is TOO early.
Let me back up here and give you some background.
(By the way, I was feeling guilty about my not-so-loving thoughts about my mother recently, thinking I had been unfair to her lately, and then THIS happened. She has a knack.)
We were going to meet at Katydid's house this past Saturday for a day of shopping and just to be all together. Katydid was going to drive over to Mom's house and pick her up, then take her back home after our day was finished. That was going to be about 3 hours round-trip, and Mom was insulted that we implied she shouldn't be driving anymore.
She's driven into two ditches recently. She shouldn't be driving anymore.
Mom's better idea (because she ALWAYS has a better idea) was to come to my house, then we would go together to Katydid's house. Nothing would dissuade her from her plan because nothing ever does. We planned to meet at Katydid's, go to breakfast, then visit some outlet malls.
"I'll be at your house at 7:00," she said to me.
"That's too early. Make it 7:30," I replied. Hubby works at the golf course on Saturday mornings, and I wanted to give him a chance to get away before Mom arrived. She has a nasty habit of making nasty remarks to him. Typically about me. Hubby doesn't much like that, so I try to avoid having them together.
I refused to set an alarm for a Saturday morning, and I woke up at 6:52. No problem; still plenty of time to get up, have a cup of coffee, and get ready before Mom got here.
Except she drove up at 6:57.
I. Was. Pissed.
She immediately started making excuses for herself, which is her way of saying she was wrong but no one should THINK she was wrong because she had good reasons for it.
"I came early so I could get a cup of coffee. No rush."
"I set my alarm for 5:30 (!!!!!), and I knew if I went back to sleep I would sleep until 7:00."
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
When I snapped at her that I SAID 7:30, she told Hubby (who naturally hadn't had a chance to escape), "Well maybe I should just go somewhere else. Apparently I'm not welcome here."
I didn't hear that comment at the time, and it's probably a good thing. I would have snapped. Gone off. Gone postal. Blown my stack. Blown a fuse. Blown a gasket.
My blood is still boiling, and I know I should get over it. As Katydid pointed out (in an attempt to make me feel better, but it failed miserably), I should have KNOWN Mom would do whatever the hell she wanted to, because she has to get her way.
I know, I know, I hear those of you who have either lost your mothers or whose mothers live far away and you never get to see them.
Take mine. Please.
Sorry to be so angry and bitter and pissed off and ungrateful and surly and bitchy and annoyed. I'll try to return to my normal, sarcastic self tomorrow night without all the familial anger.
6 comments:
YOu KNOW she did this so she could get this rise out of you, and it worked. Your mother is a master manipulator. She got plenty of affirmation from jerking you around like this, B. If she were my mom, I would tell her she doesn't deserve to visit me at all if she can't follow my simple rules. There! I said it!
I like what DJan said, I know she's helping you out, but if she's going to be a bitch, then tell her to start steppin'.
Getting there that early is rude, but you're mum's passive aggressiveness will not cope well with direct, assertive communication. I just simply wouldn't answer the door until the agreed upon time. If she complains, you simply remind her about the agreed upon time - regardless of who is helping whom.
My mom is 800 miles away - that distance is for her safety and my sanity.
Just because my mom is dead doesn't mean you can't be mad at your mom for acting like a complete and utter rude... shrew! And rightly so! I don't want her!
I like Evil's idea of just not opening the door- heeheehee.
It sucks that moms feel they can do that stuff. It just drives me nuts- how hard are just simple niceties?
I have the same problem but with a recently retired dad. He feels if he is up (at 4:30 or 5) EVERYONE should be. He has been forbidden to call before 9...ever! A friend gave me some excellent advice and said to set boundaries and stick to them. She's not dumb...she knows what she is doing. I agree with Evil Pixie. I never answer my phone before 9 if he calls. He has to wait. Your mom should wait in her car. Set the boundaries and stick to them. It isn't easy at first and there will always be times they ignore them, but eventually they'll understand you are serious. Good luck. It isn't easy...oh I already said that :-)
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