Marsh House Not to Be.....

I realize I just wrote about this topic in last night's random thoughts.

I try to take the attitude that things happen for a reason. What's meant to be will be. Not completely - I don't think it's meant to be that babies die or crazies shoot up movie theaters.

I got an official email from my banker this morning that my loan for the marsh house cannot be approved with the foreclosure of my ex-husband's house on my credit report. I had been planning to ride my bike this morning, and after I got the email I was so bummed out I almost didn't go. Then I decided it would be good for me, and I rode a little over 26 miles.

The more I rode, the more relieved I felt. I guess that in itself is a sign that while I wanted the marsh house badly, my heart wasn't really in the idea of going into debt for something I wasn't even going to live in.

When I contacted the realtor to let her know, she said she didn't think I could back out at this point.

Excuse me?

What are they going to do, squeeze the money out of me? If I can't get financing, how do they propose to force the deal to go through? (I actually asked her those questions.)

She said I might have to forfeit the earnest money, and while that will suck, I guess  there's nothing I can do about it.

Really, I'm ignorant of this whole process. What CAN they do? Can they sue me for breach of contract? How likely is that to happen? Ugh...I wish I'd never started this process.

I hate feeling powerless, and this whole ordeal has made me feel powerless. When my ex and I built that house, we had to pay a whopping 10% interest rate. (That was a combination of youthful blights on my credit rating and the fact that he didn't have a real job.) After the divorce, when he remarried and had a good job and interest rates fell to about a third of what he was paying (or not paying, as the problem turned out to be), he refused to refinance the house. And it was out of spite. He knew that if he refinanced, it would release me from the burden of the mortgage, and it was his one last way of saying, "Screw you for divorcing me."

Sigh.

Further proof that we should be allowed to delete them when we're through with them, just like old computer files.

And now, having talked to the realtor, I'm grumpy. I was fine with this whole thing, mourning the loss of the house (that I never had) but feeling better about not having a mortgage. Feeling like I was being all grown-up and handling my disappointment with panache and maturity, and now I feel like someone has slapped me on the hand for misbehavior.

Hubby, while not really the world's perfect man that I portray him as being, always seems to know the right thing to say. When I texted him the news this morning, his first response was, "I'll help you if you really want to do it." (I'd already had the conversation with him about if the loan didn't go through, it was a sign it wasn't meant to be.) It was tempting, but I stuck by my word and told him no, let's just be done with it. Then he texted me a message that said, "Think of all the trips we can take." See why I call him the world's last perfect man?

Enough of my problems. It will work out the way it's supposed to work out, and I'll be wiser for having gone through it. I may also be broker, but perhaps not as much as I would have been had the deal gone through.

Perhaps.

I hope.