He Needs an Online Class in People Skills.....

I have an online student named .... Elmer .... who has driven me nuts this semester. It's a close race, though, between him and his mother. She's the kind who calls and leaves messages like, "Call me as soon as possible." She's also the one I wrote about a few weeks ago who called because she was confused about how to do Elmer's assignment. Elmer has been bad about calling at 4:45 or 4:50 on Friday afternoon, trying desperately to beat the 5:00 PM deadline. Not desperately enough that he would actually think about doing his work BEFORE Friday afternoon, mind you.

Elmer is a tad younger than my online students typically are, but he's at least in high school. I've got a couple of MIDDLE SCHOOL students taking online courses for high school credit, and they aren't as high-maintenance as Elmer has been. First of all, he has no concept that plagiarism isn't the way to do his assignments. He's been busted for it at least twice this semester. He's always contrite, but he continues to steal information off the internet to complete his assignments. Then he wants a chance to redo them.

In his latest egregious offense, Elmer copied an entire paper about the Elizabethan period in England and submitted it as his. Unfortunately, he was supposed to be doing a CREATIVE WRITING assignment. He was supposed to research the Elizabethan era and then write a "day in the life" as if he lived in that time period. I nailed him for it, was harsh in my criticism, and told him (or meant to) that because it was his second (or third) offense, there would be no opportunity to redo the assignment.

He emailed me with an apology and a sob story about his grandmother having knee surgery and his having to be at the hospital yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada. Then he asked if he could redo it for a 70.

Huh? Do you not hear read good, child?

I responded that just as I had told him the first time, it was out of the question. Then his mother called with her typical "call me as soon as possible" demand.

Seems I omitted that all-important word "no" in my tirade about not getting an opportunity to redo it. And naturally she called me on it, saying he was confused about the emails, thought he could redo it, blah blah blah. She didn't really address the fact that he had committed a very serious offense in the first place.

At first I stuck to my guns, saying that of course he couldn't redo an assignment that had been plagiarized. Then I considered the fact that I had made a terrible error IN WRITING, and all she had to do was argue it with the powers that be, and I could avoid possible ugliness by allowing Elmer to redo the assignment. His grade is just below passing right now, and by the time I drop one or two of their lowest test grades, he is destined to pass the class (barely) anyway. I told the mother I would allow Elmer to redo the assignment, and she was grateful.

I emailed Elmer, apologizing for sending conflicting emails. I reiterated that because he had plagiarized the assignment, he SHOULD NOT have had the opportunity to redo the work. But because I had made the error in the first place, he was getting what amounted to a free shot.

I've learned not to expect a whole lot from high school students. But I did expect a "thank you" at the very least. Perhaps even a sworn oath never to plagiarize again. A tearful explanation that he had learned his lesson and he knew he was wrong. A statement that I had forever changed his life for the better and he is now planning to enter the ministry and steer other wayward youth onto the straight and narrow path would not have been effusive.

You want to know what I got?

Here is his response: I accept you apology.

The Beginning of a New Era.......

With tremendous reservations, I took my brand-new bike to school today and had Hubby drop me off. I only tooled around the neighborhood for about a mile last night, and I wasn't sure about riding it any distance. The first ride has to come sometime, though, and I figured a Friday afternoon was as good a time as any.

About an hour after Hubby dropped me off at school, I texted him and asked if he could swing BACK by and drop off my (new) helmet. I had left it in the back floorboard, and he didn't even complain about having to bring it back to me. Other than go to the "Y" and have breakfast with the old fogies at Mickey D's, what ELSE did he have to do with his time?

I had only minor trepidation when I left school on my bike. I figured out how to change gears and became more and more comfortable with them. The only minor issue I had was with my mirror. The one I had on my yellow bike doesn't fit the drop handlebars as well, and I didn't take time to install the bar-end one yet. I hope it is in a good position, or I may have to make another attempt at a mirror that clamps on to my helmet. I tried one of those once, but I couldn't see cars behind me very well. I could see most of my ear canal, but not so much the cars.

The new bike is a sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet ride, I'm here to tell ya. I felt like Lance Freakin' Armstrong. I added the same extra loop I added on my trip home Wednesday, then I headed for the golf course. It was 18.6 miles in all, and I cruised up the hill to the golf course WITHOUT STANDING UP on the pedals. I can't wait to ride tomorrow.

It has been an unusual Friday night already. We always go out to eat on Friday night, but tonight I didn't really want to. Instead I grilled some burgers and sauteed some mushrooms and onions. Those were for me, 'cause Hubby won't touch "toadstools." Then I got out my new sewing machine to go back to work on the next stage of my quilt. I didn't actually put any thread in the machine yet, but I went so far as to take it out of the box. I also returned a call from the parent of an online student. The mom called me early in the day today, but I wasn't in a position to take her call, and her voicemail sounded angry. I didn't want to call her back from school, so I waited until I got home. Turns out she wasn't angry, she just couldn't figure out how to do her son's assignment. I got her straightened out and answered my three-times-daily text message/email/phone call/pager message from Austin, who doesn't need a teacher so much as he does a buddy. I do like him, though, and I'm going to miss him next semester.

It's not even eight o'clock yet, and I'm ready for bed. And because I'm grown, I may just go there. Right after I have my (sugar-free) chocolate milk.

Happy weekend, y'all!

They Can (Virtually) Break Your Heart.....

It's amazing to me how well I feel I get to know my online students. Some of them I actually talk to on the phone (some more than I would like, like every time they can't figure out where exactly on the page to click), and some I only "converse" with through email and text messages.

I form opinions and judgments of my online students the same way I do my face-to-face students. I just can't tell when they're rolling their eyes at me. I know which ones are needy, which ones will turn everything a week early, which ones will have a new excuse every Friday, which ones think this class and school in general are a big fat waste of time.

I also get attached to some of them. I want to go to their hometowns, ring their doorbells, take them out for lunch, and friend them on Facebook.

I'm not allowed to do any of those things. They aren't expressly forbidden, but I'm pretty sure they would be frowned upon. Hubby might also find it strangely weird. And weirdly strange.

One girl this semester has grown on me, although I was pretty certain at the beginning of the semester that I wouldn't like her. She is the only student enrolled in her particular section, so discussion board postings are interesting because I'm the only person who responds. She didn't know she was the only student, though, when she posted this for her "Introductory Discussion."

The first thing you should know about me is I don't like talking about myself..or talking to anyone I don't know at all, for that matter. So you'll excuse me for saying I find this rather elementary. Regardless, here goes. I'm 18 years old and a senior at _________ High. I was born _______ 11, 1991 at _________ Hospital in _________, GA. My hobbies include reading, writing, and spending time with my wonderful fiance. My future plans are to hopefully move to California, marry my fiance, and go to college for either Psychology or something to do with English. I say hopefully because I have the worst luck known to man and good things rarely happen to me. Those that do don't hang around for long. I really couldn't tell you three things I like about myself - sorry. I would like to change plenty of things, both physical and mental, in order to improve my self esteem and be truly happy. What things I would like to change are private. I hope I don't get an F for that, but I'm not the sharing type, and I don't want to freak anyone out anyway.

I responded to her post by saying she was certainly entitled to her privacy, but it sounded a little harsh. She was shocked - SHOCKED - that it came off as harsh.

Her work has been excellent, though, and she has dutifully turned in every assignment.

Then I got a couple of "I have a problem" emails, the first one saying they had both Labor Day and the next day off from school (I was dubious, but I checked her county's calendar, and it was indeed a "Calendar Reduction Day." What a nicer term than "Furlough Day.") She wanted to know what she should do, since she doesn't have internet access at home and she would only have three days to do her work. My response was something along the lines of, "Well you need to work really hard those three days to cram the week's work in." It wasn't like she had anything due that Monday anyway.

The next email made ME roll my eyes.

You won't believe this, but I have yet ANOTHER problem! :/ The library at my school does not have a copy of the play, and I certainly can't afford to purchase it. It would be a great help if I could use the public library (assuming they have it), but I can not because I've got over $50 in fees. The car my fiance and I had broke down and we just got it fixed, so anyway, we had no way to return the books...and none of this is your problem, so I don't know why I am telling you. haha Is there an online source I can use, or..?

This was in reference to the play The Piano Lesson, which isn't typically readily available in school libraries. It's exactly the reason I send out an email BEFORE THE SEMESTER STARTS letting them know they need to get a copy. I responded that there isn't an online source, and I had loaned my copy to a student last year and didn't get it back, so I couldn't really help her.

This week, though, I had a moment of weakness and bought her a copy of the book. It was less than $20, and I ordered it from Amazon and had it shipped to her. I forgot all about it until I got this email yesterday.

Thank you so much for the book..now I feel terrible though, because unfortunately, I won't be attending school anymore. I have to get a job, because my fiance and I cannot survive without me working (it's a long story.) I can't work and go to school because I also babysit practically full time for the people we live with, but I don't get paid for that since we live here for free. So, it looks like I will be forced to pursue my education a different way : by getting my GED. However, this will be much quicker than waiting a year for my diploma, so I will be able to get a better job faster, and start attending college when I get the chance. I am very sorry for the trouble you went through. It was very very nice of you though, and I greatly appreciate it :) How would you like me to go about getting it back to you? I opened the UPS package because I had no idea what it was, since I had not been expecting anything in the mail.

The sad part is, I believe everything she says. I know some of the situations these kids are in these days, and the fact that most of them are their own making doesn't make them less tragic. Perhaps Mom and Dad (or Mom OR Dad) don't approve of the fiance. Perhaps the girl has a drug problem. Perhaps Mom/Dad has a drug problem herself or himself. Perhaps Mom or Dad is too busy living the teenage lives they never got a chance to live that they don't have time for this girl. Perhaps it's just a matter of strong personalities clashing and living separately appears to be the best solution for them.

I contacted our support person (a woman whom I truly enjoy working with), who contacted the counselor at this girl's school, who pretty much verified that yes indeed she is probably going to withdraw.

I want to fix it. I want her to stay in school. Even if she gets her GED, it might take her the same amount of time it would take for her to finish high school. I want to give her a normal home life where she doesn't have to worry about fixing cars or babysitting or paying bills or getting a job. I want her to go to football games and play video games and gossip on her cell phone with friends.

I want her to be ten years down the road and be able to look back and see that no matter what her problems were, they should have taken a back seat to getting her high school diploma.

I want a perfect world.

I Think It's Already Too Late to Correct Her......

One of my first duties as an online teacher is to call the students and parents and introduce myself. It's one of the few times I love getting someone's voice mail. I can leave a message, introduce myself, leave a number to call back, and document the fact that I called into my communications log. Voice mail is an especially good friend of mine when I have 11 or 12 new students to call because it's a real time saver.

Because I have been the victim of garbled messages to which I have to listen again and again just to understand a) the name of the person calling; and b) the number I'm supposed to call back, I try to speak very slowly and distinctly in my messages. I introduce myself as so-and-so's online literature teacher, say I'm calling to see if student or parent has any questions or concerns, and leave my number. I pause after the area code, pause again after the prefix, then pause at the end of the number. I know how it is to need to write down a number and the person on the other end is speaking too fast for me to get it. Then I say my name again and the name of my institution, since they may have forgotten way back before I started with the whole telephone number nonsense.

I have mentioned before that I'm a trifle uncomfortable with the whole "Dr." title, so I usually introduce myself (especially to parents) using my first and last names. I do the same on voice mails. I figure they'll pick up the "Dr." part in my email signature soon enough. And if they don't, that's fine too. "Mrs." is fine with me, since I have failed miserably at any weak attempt at feminism.

One student hasn't quite picked up on that yet. She may not pick up on it at all this semester, as it has taken a solid week and four phone calls just to get her through the student orientation course. She leaves me cheery voice messages addressing me by my first name, and she begins her emails with "Hi [Bragger]!".

I have signed every email to her with the "Dr." before my name, I have left voice messages saying, "This is Dr. Bragger," and I even sent her a text message saying, "This is Dr. Bragger." I assure you that I am not trying to force her to use the title, but I think it's inappropriate for her to address me by my first name.

I'm not sure how to correct her, though.

Shhhh.......Listen........

Can you hear that?

Listen closely........

If you mute the television and shut off the dishwasher, you can probably hear the sound of teenage asses being kicked all over the state of Georgia.

Those would be the parents of my online students whom I had to call tonight.

You know, those calls I ABHOR? The ones I will actually avoid by balancing the checkbook and washing the dishes and possibly regrouting the tile in the bathroom?

Yeah, those.

I bit the bullet and made them tonight. I figured I may as well, since I was on a roll. I pissed off several of my regular students today and made two of them cry. That I know of.

For the four students with a zero average because they haven't submitted ANYTHING, I simply used the phrase "grade is currently failing." I wanted to say, "Tell me again why he/she signed up for this course?"

For the girl with an average of 2 because she thought (WTH???) that all she had to do was participate in discussions, I have had two conversations with her explaining how to listen to a recording of an online session (it's called "click a link") and one call from her mother asking about getting a tutor for literature. I'm not sure she understood that I don't actually work at her daughter's school.

For the young man with an average of 6, this was the third consecutive week I've called his house and spoken to his grandmother. Seems he's very smart, but he just doesn't do his work. Not a good sign in an online course. Apparently he's trying to drop this course. I hope he waits until after pay is calculated, since I deserve SOME compensation for having to call his house every stinkin' week.

The one I felt the worst about was the kid with a 44. He has already been switched to a later group, and he's still behind. He says he gets bogged down in discussion forums because he reads every single thing everyone else has posted and tries to come up with something that hasn't already been said. He also indicated on his student information form that he "forgets things...a lot." I'm guessing he forgets due dates, his course schedule, his checklist, and the address for logging in.

Experience has taught me that the rest of the semester will be much better for my having made those calls tonight.

But damn I hate being the bearer of bad news.

Excuses, Excuses.....

Tonight's blog entry is actually a guest post. She didn't mean to be a guest post, but I have laughed so hard over this email today that I decided to post it. It is from a student in my online course. [She gave me her permission. Not that it probably matters to any of you, but I do have SOME ethics. Okay, one. Ethic.] Keep in mind that I'm usually a hard-nose when it comes to excuses, and the virtual school has very strict penalties for submitting assignments past the due date. Although their course schedules are structured with daily assignments, they actually have until Friday at 5:00 PM to turn in work for the entire week. [I used to extend the deadline until midnight on Sunday night, but I learned in a hurry not to do THAT.]

Before I got this email, I had already sent this student a text message that she was missing 3 assignments and her grade had dropped. I'm sure she was thinking, "Oh great. What next?" The "Amber" she references in her email is a girl who goes to her high school and is also in the online course with her.

You're an experienced teacher so I know that you don't want to hear excuses. I just wanted to inform you before hand that it's going to be impossible for me to turn in the rest of my work on time for this week.

My Excuse (because, of course I have to give it.)

I worked after school for an hour on this class and then had to take my sister home. I finished reading The Piano Lesson and then sat down at my home computer to cram in at least one assignment before I had to rush off. (Did I mention that my battery on my car was dead when I went out after school and Amber had to jump me off? Yeah. That happened.) Well, when I sat down to work at home my internet just... failed. Epically. It was like my firewall turned into Pat from that 90s movie, Smart House, and just blocked me from even opening up the internet. For my own good, I suppose. Ok, that was a pretty devastating blow but I was bound and determined to be optimistic. So, since I had rehearsal coming up I grabbed my stuff and went for my car.

My car that was gone.

My mother had stolen my car. Can I report grand theft auto when my mother takes it to Walmart and I have two rehearsals to attend and a book to return to a friend? I figured I couldn't because 1) it would take too much time and 2) she pays my insurance. Anyway, I called my mom. She decided she would return my car to me since I had bought her coffee creamer out of the goodness of my heart earlier. I get my car twenty minutes later. I'm too late to go to Mock Trial practice. Whatever, moving on. I race to Amber's house (managing to get lost twice and stuck behind every maw maw in the county) and return her copy of The Piano Lesson. (That's another thing I forgot to mention. Amber bought the last copy from Barnes and Noble. We have one copy between us.) Then I got stuck in her driveway.

This is all true. I can't make this stuff up.

Once I free myself, I rush off to my My Fair Lady rehearsal in Rome (forty-five minutes away.) We're doing our first full run-through. Great. I sit there for two and a half hours and sing twice. Rehearsal went over half an hour too long. Thinking I could still make something positive out of the night I rushed to Barnes and Noble to buy my copy of The Road before Amber can snatch it away. (haha, just kidding... but really.) I get there. It's 9:58. I can make it! I run up to the door.

Some guy with a handlebar mustache beats me and locks it first.

I give up. This night is a fail. I buy a caramel macchiatto instead and taken my defeated tail-end home. Since I stop to check my schedule for the McJob first, it was around eleven before I got home. My internet still obstinately refuses to work. I stayed up until one making plans with a friend on Haiti benefit concerts we're doing and then I fell into an exhausted rest.

To top it off, I've got a measely three hour shift tonight from five to eight. When I return home I plan either turning my computer into a flowerpot or a litter box or, in the instance that my step-dad fixed it, sitting down and working until I have finished at least, this week's course load and then, some of next week's.



So, while I'm asking for a midnight extension for my work, I'm not expecting it. I would just like you to note the ridiculous night I had (a few more minor, but still unimaginably annoying, events I have left out) and, if it doesn't entice you to give me an extension, I hope you still got a chuckle or two out of it.

Thank you so much for you time,
Erica

How could I NOT give her an extension? I was prepared to give her an "A" for the course on the spot.