How Not to Get a Job.....

This will look a lot like one of those chain emails that gets spread all over the internet. It's a real, live email string that came to a high school principal today. This guy wants a job. First I'll share the body of his email message.

I wanted to know what kind of school this is and where its located?My resume is attached above and all you need to do is click on it.I'm looking for a possible transfer from _________________if the opportunity is better.as you can see I have over 10 yrs experience in this field and 5 yrs as a certified coach.If you have any questions my number is (xxx)xxx-xxxx.

Sadly, he wants a job in education. He is a paraprofessional in special education, but he has a college degree. Or at least his resume says he does.

That part is sad enough. Here's the real kicker: it came attached to an original string of email messages between him and (presumably) his girlfriend. And the subject line: "Verizon Wireless - Payment Confirmation."

Here is the original string of email messages. I've copied them chronologically so you wouldn't have to scroll all the way to the end to get the correct sequence.

Thank you for your payment

Dear ___________,

Your scheduled electronic check payment, authorized today, has been
applied to your Verizon Wireless account ending in ____.

Here are the details of your electronic check payment:

Date: 10/29 Payment Amount: $223.84 Payment Method: Electronic check; bank account ending in ____

Please note your payment amount will be debited from your bank account on the next business day.

i am very sick today.my sinuses are giving me problems this morning and I can't hardly take it.I might need to go to the nurse and ask for some sinus pills.my student didn't show up today,so I hope i have an easy day.hows your day going?  ***This is the job-seeking guy.***

I'm sorry you're not feeling well.  You probably need to start taking meds now so that you can catch it.  My day is going good.  (Girlfriend?)

i saw Coach ______ and coach (misspelled coach's name) talking about football in the hallway so i walked by just to see if he would look me in the eye,but neither one could.

Wow, they probably have a guilty conscience.  Nope no jobs.

 Coach _____said i should walk up to them and say thank you for telling me face to face.She is mad,because she said thats not professional!I don't know when,but i am going to do something about this ASAP.I can't
let them screw me over......

Yes I totally agree with you.  I told you that you should do something. All I want is for you to pray about it first. 

Baby can u email me another resume?I need to send it somewhere. 

Please try to keep up with it.  I'm going to eventually delete it from my hard drive because we were told they are going to start checking our computers.

People, he LEFT THIS ATTACHED TO THE EMAIL WITH HIS RESUME! And the Verizon Wireless subject line! And he wants to talk about people being unprofessional?

I have no words. 

His interview is next Monday.

JUST KIDDING!!!!!! (Just kidding about the interview. The rest of it is real. Very real. Painfully, sadly, tragically, pathetically real.)