I Told You I Might Forget......

I just remembered something I was supposed to tell you from last week.

One of our students was pregnant and expecting sometime in June. I think she was in her 29th week when she went into labor last week. They tried to stop her labor, but they couldn't. On top of that, we already knew the baby was breech.

She went in for a Caesarean last week, and when I heard from her sister (also a student at our school), she said the baby was here, weighed 3 pounds 7 ounces, and was breathing on her own. A sweet baby girl named Sophia.

The next day the sister had pictures of the baby on her cell phone, and she wanted me to see them. She showed me how to scroll back and forth to see more pictures.

I scrolled too far.

Before she could grab the phone out of my hand, I was unfortunate enough to see a picture of a (maybe fully erect, maybe not) penis.

I would like to have that image laser-removed from my retinas, please.

I wanted to ask her, "Don't you know this is how your sister's trouble got started?"

The girl was embarrassed, and I was embarrassed. I don't know if she KNOWS I saw the picture, but I KNOW IT.

Please. For what reason could a teenaged girl have a picture of a penis on her cell phone? I mean, it's not like they are even pretty or anything.

Welcome to the island.

I Make Fun of OUR Gymnasts Too.....

Just to show you that I believe in equal opportunity tackiness, here is a video of one of OUR gymnasts at last week's regional championships.

As someone posted on the gossipy message board, "You have to MOUNT the bars before you can DISMOUNT them."




Poor girl. I hope she's better prepared for Nationals, or our team's stay there may be a very brief one.

Monday Observations......

AKA Random Thoughts.

AKA Musings.

AKA ____ Things I've Learned this Week.

• Laughing at a gymnast from an opposing team is probably bad karma, not to mention bad manners. But when she's a hot-dog freshman who forgets her floor routine, it's hard not to laugh. When they show it on ESPN instead of editing it out, it gets even funnier. When they show a REPLAY of her forgetting, it's side-splitting.
• If I have to drive 10 miles to a bike shop to buy a new tube for my rear tire, it only makes sense to take the bike along and let the professional change the flat. AND pick up a spare tube.
• Having taco salad (or any other Mexican food) before going to Zumba class is just asking for trouble.
• I had never heard of the Wonderlick (Wonderlic?) test until I read about it being administered to football players who have just entered the NFL. A certain star receiver from a certain football team for which I am a RABID fan, who left before his senior year so he could play in the NFL, reportedly scored a 6 out of 50 on the test. If that's true, I hope he never, ever returns to graduate from my university. After looking at some of the sample questions, I would be ashamed to share an alma mater with him.
• The sister who is the most calm and level-headed out of the three of us came over to the dark side on Saturday, if only for a moment. She is the one who reminds me and Katydid from time to time (meaning every meet) that good sportsmanship is important and it is impolite to boo the judges. She felt the judges were over-scoring the team that went on to win (and she may be right, but at least SOMEONE in the family has to remain objective - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha), and when one of their gymnasts fell on her bars dismount, Frogger Blogger shouted, "Nine-nine THAT!!!!" Much to the glee of most of the people in our section. Minus the parents of the gymnasts from the aforementioned team, who were seated about three rows ahead of us.
• Hubby and I went to see our "godson" play baseball last night, and it was hard to get to talk to the Warrior Princess for all the damned MLB scouts who kept butting in. I lost count, but my co-worker who is one of the assistant coaches said there were 14 of them there. They look just like normal folks, wearing blue jeans and shirts with the tails out, but walking around with video cameras and stop watches gives them away.
• The tree that I had to drag out of the road before I could go to school this morning fell from our neighbor's yard. It couldn't have happened more perfectly, falling right along the fence line. If it had fallen the other way, it would have taken out Hubby's truck, and possibly my car. That was the fiercest storm we've had in quite a while, and the damage around our county is significant.
• There may be no food more perfect in the world than Cool Whip that hasn't quite thawed out all the way. Makes me want to go refreeze the rest of it.

Cycling Guardian Angels are Putting in Overtime.......

I know there must be guardian angels watching over me when I ride my bike, because that's the only explanation for why I haven't been killed long before now.

It's not that I'm reckless (often) or stupid (much), but sometimes when I'm tired or distracted or hot or thirsty or mad about the stupid wind, I make decisions that aren't too smart.

Today's example of having guardian angels isn't about making poor decisions or even about being tired or distracted or hot or thirsty, and I wasn't THAT mad about the stupid wind, even though it was fierce and always a headwind. Today was an example that sometimes stuff happens.

And sometimes the stuff that happens could have had catastrophic results if they had happened at a different moment.

I took my usual route home from school on my bike today, with the extra loop that gives me an additional 4.5 miles. Riding the extra loop takes me down a road with a sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet downhill on which I have reached my maximum speeds on my single bike. Last week I was angry and frustrated, so I pedaled hard starting down this hill, and when I got home I noticed my maximum speed was 39.5 mph.

That's nothing but a challenge.

Today when I started down the hill I wasn't angry or frustrated, but I pedaled hard to see if I could hit 40 mph. I saw 41, felt satisfied, and continued my (windy) ride home.

Another challenge is turning into the street on which we live. It's a very narrow street, coming off another downhill, and I have tried to see how LITTLE I can use the brakes turning in our road. It's a 90-degree turn, so I have to use SOME brakes, but I've been pushing the envelope lately.

Today I went screaming into that turn, happy that I was finally going to be out of the wind, giddy that temperatures reached the 80-degree mark today, and excited about going to the high school baseball game. I even considered riding my bike there too, since Hubby would already be there (the field is right next to the golf course).

My happy/giddy/excited feeling all but disappeared when my back tire slid out from under me. That's what they do when they lose air.

I didn't fall, and I somehow managed to get back upright without taking out the guy who was mowing his lawn on the corner.

Damn it, that's the same tire I just changed last week. I don't think this incident has anything to do with my (lack of) tire changing skills, but I'm not sure.

I was so busy being thankful that I made it all the way home that it only occurred to me much later how much worse it could have been going downhill at 42 mph. (That turned out to be my maximum. I must have hit 42 after my eyes started watering.)

If that tire had gone flat with me screaming downhill at 42 mph, I would probably have lost several pounds of flesh. Perhaps bone. But the bandages and casts would have more than made up for anything I lost, so it wouldn't have been a good thing at all.

Thank you again today, Guardian Angels of Cycling. Now can you please do something about the wind?

#40 and #43.........

I didn't set out for this to be a weekend of cramming in as many of my 50 Things to Do as possible. It just worked out that way.

It was kind of cheating to put #40 on the list in the first place. I knew I was going to attend a regional gymnastics championship meet because UGA was hosting one this year. I had been to nationals (twice) and the SECs (four times), and I ALMOST went to regionals last year. I was going to fly to Missouri on Saturday morning, go to the meet, spend the night, and fly back Sunday. I was going to do all this alone, mind you, because Hubby was out of town. The only reason I didn't go was that it was also the weekend of the Masters golf tournament, and I would have missed both Saturday and Sunday coverage. Instead I did a bike ride, watched the P-A-I-N-F-U-L meet on the computer (glad I didn't pay all that money to go out there and see them lose in person), and got to see the Masters too.

Anyway, #40 was already planned for, but because I hadn't done it before, it qualified for my list of 50 Things to Do. And I was already running out of ideas when I got to #40.

There was a tailgate before the meet, and then Katydid, Frogger Blogger and I walked down to the UGA bookstore. That's always a dangerous move, but I managed to control myself this time, mostly in consideration of #31.

The results of the meet were much more satisfying this year, even though we still had some disappointments. This team hasn't performed up to its potential much this year. We seem to put together three great events, and we have one disastrous one. This time our disastrous event was our first one, balance beam, and even though we came back with a vengeance, the damage was done. UCLA won the meet handily, but we came in second, and so we qualified for the national championships in two weeks. No, I'm not going. I haven't lost anything in Cleveland, and besides there's a 3-day bicycle ride that weekend.

#43 was a complete and total surprise. I got out the Wii Fit balance board because I intended to video the Wii bitch saying, "That's obese." I wanted to save it for the point when I've lost enough weight that I'm not obese anymore, just overweight.

Imagine my surprise when she did NOT say "obese," but she said "That's overweight." I have never been so happy in my life to be told I'm overweight.

Side note: I didn't need the Wii to tell me I'm slightly off-center.

#36 - Go to a Hockey Game......

Suddenly it has been a busy weekend for the 50 Things to Do list. I've knocked out 3 of them this weekend alone, and there's still tomorrow to get through!

I almost missed my chance for #36 until next fall. I let the end of hockey season slip up on me, until my buddy Angie emailed me on Thursday asking if I wanted to go to the last home hockey game of the season.

Since Hubby was out of town and I didn't have anything else to do on a Friday night (other than cleaning house - yuck), not to mention it would satisfy one of my 50 Things, I told her I would love to go.

Apparently wearing a hockey jersey to a hockey game is required, so Ang brought me one to wear. This isn't one of those that the team auctions off, nor is it one purchased in a store. She is such a devoted fan that when the original owner of the jersey, a real, live hockey player, moved back to Canada to be a policeman, he left the jersey behind, presumably in his locker or something. Someone who works at the arena called Angie and saved it for her.

There is a lot I don't understand about the game of hockey. I know the puck is supposed to go in the net, but that's about it. I also know that fighting is part of the game, expected even. There was a fight in the game last night, and some fans behind me were perplexed when the referees broke it up. Apparently that's not how it usually goes.

I told Angie I hoped I would get out of the hockey fan mode before I went to this afternoon's gymnastics meet, as it is a more genteel sport. More on that tomorrow.

Men Can Be Such Girls......

Hubby asked me a random question the other night, and I was a little dumbfounded.

"Who is Vera Bradley?" he asked.

I had no context in which to place him anywhere near the words Vera and Bradley.

"It's the name of a designer," I answered. "Why?"

"At the casino this weekend, they're giving away either a Vera Bradley cosmetic bag or a coin purse."

"Oh," I said, sort of losing interest. "I'm not really into those designer things." My idea of a good purse is one with the split straps so I can carry it on my motorcycle if necessary. It also has to last forever, because I only change purses when one completely disintegrates.

"So you don't want me to get you one?"

"Well, if you're going to get anything, get me the cosmetic bag." It's a toss up which one I have less of: cosmetics or coins.

He was immediately on the phone with a (womanless) friend who was also going on the trip, trying to coordinate which one would get the coin purse and which one would get the cosmetic bag, so I could have both.

Really?

It's not that important to me. I mean I'll take whatever they bring home (if anything - it will require that they walk ALL the way across the casino), but did it really necessitate a round of phone calls several days in advance?

They left this morning, Hubby having awakened an hour BEFORE the alarm because he gets so excited about going on these golf/gambling trips. Don't tell him I told you that; it would bruise his masculinity. But it's true.

They left our house around 5:15 in an attempt to get through Atlanta before the worst of rush-hour traffic. Hubby texted me from Alabama:

"Wayne forgot his suitcase."

Wayne is the same (womanless) friend he made arrangements with for the Vera Bradley thing(s).

I won't bore you with the whole string of text messages. He wanted me to check to see if the suitcase was sitting in the yard at our house, which meant I had to turn around and go back home. It's not like I've been on time this week anyway, so why start on Friday?

Hubby said I didn't need to turn around, that I would have noticed it, but I couldn't stand the thought of neighborhood dogs getting hold of Wayne's clothes and scattering them all over the neighborhood. I went home, and Wayne's suitcase is sitting in the backseat of his car in our front yard.

Guess they'll be going shopping before they go to the casino. You better believe Wayne didn't leave his golf clubs behind. Got to have those necessities.

Because he's a MAN, they can probably get his shopping done in 10 minutes in a Wal-Mart, and he won't even have to try anything on.

I just hope Hubby brings back some coins for me to put in my Vera Bradley coin purse.

****************

Out of consideration for my many several couple of devoted readers, I changed tonight's blog post. I was going to post a rather grumpy recap of some student interactions I've suffered through had this week.

You're welcome.

Remind me, though, if I forget to tell you later, the circumstances under which I found myself, first thing this morning AT SCHOOL, looking at a picture of a penis on a student's cell phone.

Welcome to the island.